


Goodbye Kiss

by Yereanth16



Series: SasoDei Goodbye series [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Drama, Artist Deidara, Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M, Manager Tobi, Puppet master Sasori, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-01-30 16:47:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21431488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yereanth16/pseuds/Yereanth16
Summary: "Art is an explosion, un!" Follow the story of Deidara as he struggle with accepting himself and his journey with loving the aloof puppet master Sasori who thinks that true art is meant to last forever. Deidara met Sasori through Hidan when he worked as a prostitute in order to pay the bills, the redhead was not interested in relationships or sexual things, the blonde only knew how to make himself seem valuable by offering sex, when they got to talking about what art is Deidara fell in love but it seems life had other plans for them.Apologies for the terrible summary.
Relationships: Deidara/Hidan (Naruto), Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), Deidara/Tobi (Naruto), Sasori/Uchiha Itachi
Series: SasoDei Goodbye series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545079
Comments: 28
Kudos: 46





	1. Goodbye kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is my first Saso x Dei story. Its going to follow the life of Deidara from the moment he first met Sasori when he worked as a prostitute to both of them drifting apart due to certain issues and how they'll meet once more. 
> 
> Hidan will play a very important role in this story, the pairs are Sasori x Deidara [Possibly one sided], Hidan x Dei and referenced Sasori x Itachi. 
> 
> This was written based on the song Goodbye Kiss by Kasabian thus the title of this story. It will contain a lot of psychological things like eating disorders [Anorexia], Depression [Will have self harm and self loathing] Deidara nerding about art & chemistry.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Cursing [Hidan has a potty mouth],referenced underage prostitution & sex, eating disorder.

_ Smile, look at the crowd in front and give them what they want, sway those hips back and forth slowly, notice the lust in their eyes and act as if it doesn’t make you want to throw up. When did life become like this? He guessed he could remember, as the light flashed brightly in his eyes and the crowd cheered, he thought back to his past and how he got to the point of no return. _

<<<<<<<ooo000ooo>>>>>>>>

June,12, 2007

<<<<<<<ooo000ooo>>>>>>>>

Deidara was a 15 year old high school boy, he had bright blue eyes and long blond hair which was always kept in a ponytail, his long bangs covering his left eye. He admitted that he came from a total cliche, his dad was not in his life and his mom was far too busy to work in order to help them survive, which meant not so much time with her. A lot of time he was confused for a girl, he could almost pass for his mother’s sister since she had him pretty young, at 16. 

Just like all of those cliches, she was a waitress at a bar and worked the long night shift, some nights not coming back, instead, going home with some customers so that she could make some extra money.

Living in the city was expensive, just rent alone was 1,110 dollar for two rooms and it wasn’t even in the best part of town. They struggled with food for as far as he could remember, to the point that he grew to dislike eating. He tried to get jobs but not many wanted him. At school he was surprisingly a great student, getting A’s and B's, his favorite subject was art. 

His mother was always reminding him that art left no money, after all, look at her, she had wanted to be an actress and ended up knocked up with a kid along with a crappy job, but that was reality.

He knew that his mother loves him, she was more like a friend to him instead of a mother. For the most part he tried to be the best son that he could, but he could only hold on for so long. 

Right, what’s so important about June, 12, 2007, right? It was when his life began to slowly go downhill. His mother was diagnosed with cancer and would need surgery. One of the downfalls to that was that she would not be able to work for a while, which meant he needed to get a job.

He managed to get a job as a waiter in a crappy restaurant but that didn’t pay well and he was supposed to still be going to school. In the morning he delivered milk and newspapers. The bills stacked up, his mother went to have surgery and he was left making some hard decisions.

Deidara has always heard about how sexy he was, if only he was skinnier, he worked hard on not eating too much, and exercised often. With the bills piling up, it was no surprise when he took an offer at work, one blow job for 50 dollars. Those 50 dollars could go toward rent and he needed to pay the light as well.

It was dark outside, he could smell the sweat from the 40 something year old man who had on a dirty shirt and ripped jeans, after the man was gone, he threw up, that night he showered for a while under hot water.

~~~~~~

After that night, Deidara seemed to just be pulled into that kind of life, at school it began to spread the fact that he would sleep with anyone or do any sexual favors for the right price. That was also how he ended up meeting the idiot with those silver brown eyes and crimson red hair, those brown eyes stared at him blankly.

Right, how did that go? One of his regulars had contacted him and told him that he would pay Deidara 150 dollars if he spends the night with his friend. By now Deidara was almost 17 and his mom was still sick, it wasn’t looking too good.

He agreed right away, after all 150 could pay the light bills. He had met his customer, Hidan, at 7pm just liked asked, the albino man was into BDSM and Deidara usually ended up bruised, but he didn’t care, Hidan always paid him really well and sometimes even bought him clothes! He met Hidan at a two story house, dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans that were ripped with a tight, white shirt which had** ‘Art is an explosion💣’ **written in black letter, with a drawing of a bomb going off.

“So all I have to do is spend the night with him, Un?” Deidara asked, flipping his hair out of his face.

“Fuck yeah, be the sexy little slut I love, tell ya what, fucker, if you make it extra special, I’ll double the price, the kid inside is a bit of a moron when it comes to this shit, anyways, he’s a good friend. I’ll give ya the first part now, depending how you do tonight, I might add a little bonus tomorrow. Ya know my number.” Hidan’s purple eyes stared at the visible blue one, passing an envelope, Deidara did not count it, after all, Hidan was always truthful when it came to the business part.

“Got it, Un!” Deidara slipped the package on his backpack and kissed Hidan’s cheek before grabbing the key offered to him. He opened the door and walked inside the nice house, way better than what he could ever afford, it had some nice, modern furniture, a bit of art and sitting on the couch was a beautiful man...if he could be called that, he looked pretty young with emotionless sandy brown orbs, crimson red hair and dressed in dark jeans with a dark shirt.

“I told Hidan I was not interested.” The voice sent a shiver down his spine, it was lust at first sight for Deidara ...and the beginning of his end. Looking back, if he had known all the stuff that would happen, he would have never taken the job from Hidan, he would have run away and never looked back.

“Interested in what? We can do whatever you want, Un!” Deidara purred out, moving closer to the beautiful male.

“I am not interested in sex, especially with a girl.” The redhead replied calmly, moving to stand up and head toward the stairs. Deidara mentally cursed, he needed this money!

“Listen, Un! I am not a girl, and we don’t have to have sex, we can do whatever you want! I can dance for you ...or something else.” Why did his voice sound desperate even to him?

Brown orbs turned to look at him and then saw the shirt he had on “Art is not an explosion, idiot...it's a masterpiece that should last a lifetime.” The redhead told him softly.

Deidara blinked at that then frowned “No way, Un! It’s something that should go with a bang and in a flash!” That seem to help out, though the redhead didn’t talk much, Deidara spend the rest of the night talking about why art should go like an explosion. 

They didn’t have sex, clothes weren’t even taken off that night, it was the first time he felt relief that he didn’t have to do anything. When he tried to offer a blowjob or something, the redhead declined curtly and simply told him that he was not interested in anything sexual by anyone.

Deidara still pecked his lips when the redhead went to sleep, he blinked when he saw a small frown on the redhead’s face before disappearing upstairs. Deidara slept on the couch, the next day he fell off the couch and broke his wrist.

That was the first time he met Sasori, his dark angel.

~~~~~~

_ “Doomed from the start _

_ We met with a goodbye kiss, I broke my wrist _

_ It all kicked off, I had no choice _

_ You said that you didn't mind 'cause love's hard to find.”- _ ** Goodbye kiss by Kasabian**


	2. Desperado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, thank you for reading this story, also thank you for the kudos and comments it means a lot.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Self harm, Self loathing, eating disorder, vomiting.

Deidara arched his hips up, eyes shut tightly, his long, slender fingers wrapped around his throbbing length, letting out a low moan. He could feel the warm breath close to his neck, could feel the teeth sinking in and sucking, knowing that it would leave a mark.

“Please.” He begged, closing his legs but they were pushed open, feeling the warm skin between his legs and a smaller hand against his own.

“Please what?” The deep voice asked, nails digging into the pale flesh, the blonde’s breathing becoming more laboured, did he really need to say it? Wasn’t it obvious what he wanted?

“Please….fuck me,un.” Deidara begged, slowly opening his eyes and staring at the light brown orbs, fingers moving up to wrap around the crimson locks, tugging on it then licked the exposed neck “You make me feel so needy, un.” He purred out, letting their skin press against each other, moaning out once more when he felt his cock rub against the other one.

The blonde gasped when he was pushed down, arms being brought above his head and then tied. For now he could forget all about his problems and what was going on in his life, all that was important was the pleasure. 

Legs were spread as wide as they would go, feeling the cool air against his heated length, pre-cum already leaking out, his body was covered with bruises, scars, scratches and other wounds, some old and some fresh. 

It felt like an eternity before Deidara felt the throbbing length pushing inside of his pucker hole, stretching him open, it wasn’t the biggest fit he’s had, Hidan was much larger and rougher but he didn’t mind, he wanted it so badly. The blonde tried to push against it but his hips were pushed down firmly, not letting him move around. A needy moan left his lips, feeling the cock pushed in deeper until he had every bit of it, he could feel the condom, a part of him wished that he could feel it raw, this wasn’t enough.

“You are such a needy little slut, you love it when I tie you up and fuck you, don’t you sissy?” The deep voice teased, making Deidara whimper, his body feeling hotter.

Everything became a blur as he was fucked harder, his body moving with each thrust, loud moans coming out, all that he could think about was those crimson locks and silver brown orbs, he wanted everything the redhead would give him.

D eidara kept begging and thanking the redhead for using him, body covered in sweat. This was the only thing that he was good for, getting fucked and moaning like a bitch in heat.

He felt the redhead cumming and the thrusting slowing down, whining when the cock was pulled out, through half lidded eyes he watched the redhead tying up the used condom and walking toward the bathroom, his own cock still throbbing and leaking pre-cum, ass feeling sore after that.

Deidara watched the redhead come back and start to get dressed, leaving some cash on the nightstand, the blonde’s visible blue eye focusing on the face for only a moment...if he squinted hard enough, maybe...just maybe he could imagine once more that it was Sasori using him instead of a complete stranger that he had met at the club.

He closed his eyes once more and drifted to sleep, feeling filthy and worthless.

~~~~ooo000ooo~~~~

A few days later the blonde smiled, he was dressed in dark blue jeans with a white shirt that had a drawing of a dove drifting off into smoke, he ran his fingers through his long, blonde hair once more, wondering if tonight would be the night that the quiet redhead would finally notice him.

He opened the door with the key given to him, letting the door close behind him as he looked around, his not hit with the smell of something sweet, the blonde followed the smell, watching Sasori with an apron on, setting a large bowl in the middle of the table, Deidara realized that it was curry, there was also a large plate of white rice 

“Sit.” Was all that Sasori calmly said, it was all the blonde needed to hear.

“You would make a great housewife,un.” Deidara teased, winking at the aloof male, snickering when the redhead simply hummed out and sat across from him.

“Thank you for the food!” The blonde cheerfully said, trying not to think about the calories.

At first they ate in silence, Deidara moaning out, trying to ignore how Sasori wrinkled his nose in what seem like distaste to the blonde “Fuck, this is really good, un.” 

“You are filling up.” Sasori quietly commented, looking bored as he ate, silver brown eyes staring down at the rice with curry.

The blonde froze at the words, positive that he had heard disgust in those words, the little voice in his head suddenly decided to make an appearance, telling him how fat and disgusting he was.

The younger male moved his leg forward, feet moving to try and press against the older male’s crotch, smirking “You can fill me up whenever you want, un.” 

Sasori glared at Deidara “Stop or get out.”He ordered, making the blonde quickly stopped and looked down at his plate for a moment.

“You could fuck me right here, bend against the table or if you want I can get on my knees and you can use my mouth and fill it up, un.” 

The redhead stood up, nose wrinkling in what looked like disgust and began to walk away.

“I am sorry...I’ll stop,un.” Deidara could hear how desperate his voice sounded but he didn’t care. He stood up as well, moving to grab Sasori’s wrist but his hand was slapped away.

“Don’t touch me.” Was the cold response that the blonde got before the redhead disappeared, going up the stairs where Deidara wasn’t allowed.

Deidara mentally cursed himself, he waited for the redhead to come down but it didn’t happen so he decided to punish himself, it was easy enough to get what he needed. The first thing he did was force the bit of food he had eaten out of his body, feeling the burning sensation as it came back up and was emptied into the toilet, hearing the redhead telling him that he was disgusting and fat, even if it was all in his head.

He spend a few minutes doing that, eyes watering and throat burning, he needed to stop being such a cow and eating so much, once he had emptied out his stomach he worked on the second part of his punishment, dropping his pants and underwear down until he could see his scarred thigh, the first thin cut made him almost moan out in pure bliss, he made a deeper cut and then some more, repeating it on the opposite side, they all looked like long paper cuts, there wasn’t much blood, it was mostly the stinging sensation that gave Deidara the high.

The blonde turned on the shower and got undressed, slipping inside, he let the water burn him, scrubbing at his skin roughly, it was like having an itch that simply wouldn’t go away. All he could think about was the look of disgust in that beautiful face. Once his skin was red he got out and got dressed once more, going back to the living room which was empty.

The blonde waited for a few hours, not really paying attention to whatever movie was on TV, wondering if he would see the redhead. When the sun came out, Deidara left, leaving a small note apologizing with an origami of a dove.

The silence that he had gotten that night had been worse than any other punishment that Deidara could think of, he wondered if the redhead was tired of him and had enough, would Hidan stop hiring him...would that be the last time he saw the beautiful man?

If it was so, the blonde knew that he wouldn’t survive it, he was too far deep in his obsession, without Sasori it felt as if Deidara couldn’t breath, the familiar emptiness swallowing him up.

** _Would they ever see each other again?_ **


	3. Erase me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, thank you to those who have left kudos, commenting and are reading it means a lot. I hope you all enjoy the story, let me know what you think.
> 
> So this chapter starts off pretty dark but ends in a very sweet note with some Saso x Dei. In case I haven't given a warning before, this story is going to be quite dark and have a lot of deep psychological issues that I'll be showing and I still don't know if there will be a happy ending or not.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Eating disorder, self loathing and implied group rape but there will be no description of the act.
> 
> Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Deidara tried to focus on losing more weight after that dinner disaster with Sasori, he made sure to drink a cold glass of water when he first woke up and then spend the rest of the day drinking green tea and coffee.

When he wasn’t with his clients or at home cleaning, he was at school or exercising, the longer he went without hearing about the beautiful redhead, the more upset he got with himself, analyzing every second of that dreadful night.

Deidara was convinced of two things, the first was that his biggest mistake had been eating the curry dinner and the second was that if he had just behaved and followed his diet, Sasori would have thought that he was pretty enough and wouldn’t have been so disgusted by him.

He began to take more cold showers since they burn more calories, he stuck to a very strict diet of only celery, hot black coffee and green tea and most importantly, at least one glass of very cold water every hour to make his body lose more weight. Whenever he got tempted by food, he would take out his phone and look at the pictures of all of those beautiful people that he admired.

The blonde began to increase his running regime as well, the more he ran, the more weight he would lose, the more weight he lost the closer he would be to his goal of having the beautiful redhead fall for him. He had fucked up so badly that not even Hidan had contacted him, he knew better than to try and contact the albino.

As the days turned into weeks without hearing about the beautiful redhead, Deidara became more desperate, his habits getting worse. He kept finding excuses as to why he couldn’t eat, such as being too busy to take care of his mother or being too busy with work. He began to accept more clients, letting groups take him and pass him around, at least some people wanted him.

When he wasn’t working or taking care of his mother, Deidara was busy sculpting, he mostly did birds, especially doves which he found beautiful and freeing, when he was done sculpting them, he would blow them up.

Deidara gave up after almost a month without hearing from Hidan or Sasori. He saw pictures online of the albino with beautiful people, seeming to be having a good time, it seems that he’s been forgotten.

The feeling of being abandoned was the scariest part, if he wasn’t being fucked what was the point of his existence? Like so many people told him, he was a good for nothing slut. At night he could still hear Sasori’s cold voice saying **_“Don’t touch me!”_** which slowly morphed into **_“Don’t touch me you filthy slut.” _**

Two months after the incident, Deidara received an invitation to go to a college party, he dressed up in black jeans with a dark jacket that had in the back  ** _‘Art is fleeting’_ ** his hair up in its usual ponytail, when he made it to the house that the party was supposed to be in he saw that it was packed, pressing against bodies to go toward the person who had sent the invitation, it was a third year who was known for throwing some of the best parties.

He soon found himself with a red plastic cups, drinking whatever was given to him and pressing his body against random people, letting the music take over him, his cup never seem to get empty, so he never stopped drinking. The room began to spin, everything was a blur, he could remember red hair and a deep voice whispering something in his ears before he was led away.

They went out to the back garden and inside a shed that had been turned into a room, clothes were taken off, he kissed the redhead passionately, pressing their bodies against each other, thinking of Sasori and then there was a group of men, he could remember sneering faces and pain. He couldn’t remember for how long they used him or when they grew bored and decided to throw him out.

Deidara numbly walked, ignoring the cold that shook his body, or the warm liquid slipping between his legs, down his thigh. He didn’t know how much time passed, stopping in front of a very familiar house, numbly he rang the bell, it felt like an eternity before the door was open.

Cold, silver brown orbs was the first thing he noticed as the door was opened, Sasori had been in the middle of saying something but stopped when he saw the blonde who had on his fake, cheery smile.

_ “Hey, Sasori my man….you were right, un.” _ He brightly said  _ “I am nothing but a filthy slut, that’s why you didn’t want to touch me last time, right? You could see how much of a needy whore I actually am.” _ He saw the surprised look on the usually blank face, letting out a lifeless laugh.

_ “You knew from the beginning what I really was, a waste of space like me doesn’t deserve to touch you, I thought that if I lied to myself and tried hard enough...that you would notice me, but I was wrong, un. _ ” He couldn’t feel the coldness anymore _ “I just...wanted to see you one more time, I know it’s wrong and that its selfish of me...but I thought that if I could see you just one last time, that I’d have no regrets.” _ After that, it all went dark.

When Deidara woke up, he was in a very comfortable bed, pressing his nose against the soft pillow which smelled eerily similar to Sasori, it took a moment for his eyes to slowly open, closing as soon as the brightness hit them before opening once more.

The room was painted a sandy color, there was small puppet dolls hanging on the wall, he noticed that the bed sheets were a crimson red and that he was wearing a large, white shirt with a logo of a puppet, there was a glass of water next to the nightstands along with two, small white pills. Long, slender fingers quickly grab the pills and downed it with water, his long blonde hair acting almost as a curtain.

He groaned out and slowly got up, stumbling but managed to catch his footing, he had on black socks, he decided to grab the red sheet and cover himself with it, body shaking from how cold he felt. 

Deidara was surprised when he saw a few picture frame, one was of what looked to be a very young Sasori...perhaps 3 years old with a beautiful looking woman who had long, brown hair and gentle looking light brown eyes, she was looking at the camera with a gentle look on her face, on the opposite side was a man that had Sasori’s hair color and looked to be his father, his eyes were closed as he smiled, Sasori was smiling brightly, an old looking lady glancing away with her arms crossed. 

There was another one of the same gentle looking woman and man with what seem to be a baby Sasori, there was one of Sasori parents when they were younger. Deidara noticed one where Sasori seemed to be around 8 years old, he was no longer smiling and his eyes had that lifeless look that Deidara was used to, the 8 year old Sasori was standing next to the old lady who had been looking away, in this picture she had a grim look on her face, the last one he saw was of the older Sasori, eyes closed and what seemed to be at first glance the redhead’s parents embracing him but then the blonde realized that it was puppets.

He made himself walk away from the pictures and toward the door, walking out of what he assumed to be Sasori’s bedroom. Slowly, Deidara made his way down the stairs, confirming that it was the beautiful redhead’s home that he was in but he had no idea how he got there or why he was there in the first place...did they have sex? 

Deidara stopped when he saw the redhead, for a moment, admiring the way that the smaller male looked as he read some thick looking book. He didn’t want to break the silence even though he was very curious about how he ended up in the redhead’s bedroom.

Cold, silver brown orbs turned to look at him suddenly, the blonde blushed brightly and looked away, hugging himself.

“Yours clothes are in the laundry room.” Was all the redhead said as if this was perfectly normal and part of their routine.

“I am sorry...I’ll change into my clothes and leave, un.” Deidara quietly said, turning to walk toward the laundry room but stopped when he heard the beautiful male’s voice.

“Sit.” Such simple words yet Deidara felt as if it was an order which he was quick to follow, sitting as far away from the redhead as he could, holding on tighter to the red sheets “Nothing happened between us.” 

Deidara’s body felt sore, his ass felt even more sore, it hurt just to sit but he didn’t complain, looking down at his lap, trying to remember what happened but kept drawing a blank. They sat in silence for an hour or two with Sasori quietly reading while Deidara stared down at his lap and fidgetted.

“True art should be everlasting, that is a true masterpiece.” At first Deidara didn’t understand what was going on and then he realized that Sasori was talking to him...his usually cold and aloof dark angel was actually starting a conversation with him!

“No way, un! True art is fleeting, that’s what’s true beauty. In nature the most beautiful things are the ones that fades away the quickest, un!” He passionately replied, face coming back to life. He moved closer to the redhead, letting out a small huff.

“No, the true beauty in nature is the one that can withstand the passage of time, idiot. Art should survive even after its creator passes away, that is the true meaning of art.” Sasori calmly replied, closing his book.

“I’ll make you see the beauty of true art and how fleeting it is, un.” Deidara vowed, blushing brightly when the redhead brushed a strand of blonde hair away from his face before pulling his hand away.

“You are welcome to try, idiot.” Sasori replied, to the blonde, the redhead’s voice sounded more gentle but it was probably his imagination, not that he minded, he would take that imaginary gentle sound for as long as he could.

This was all probably just a dream anyways, one that he didn’t want to ever wake up from. It was as if the past two months never happened, he got Sasori back, if only for this moment. 


	4. Look away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to go down this chapter! After this chapter Deidara is going to be a bit more mature and levelheaded.
> 
> I am sorry in advance but it needed to be done so that he could mature, this is also the longest chapter yet. This will also conclude the younger Deidara arc.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Hidan's potty mouth, some BDSM and mention of blood as well as branding because Hidan x Deidara is a very messed up pair, death of an extremely minor character. Lots of drama and angst, mention of self harm. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading, leaving kudos and leaving comments, it means a lot. Please keep reading, commenting and leaving kudos.

Deidara was in paradise, he kept replaying the way that Sasori had brushed his hair back from his face, the conversation they had that night. To him, it felt as if after that night, things changed between them, that maybe...just maybe they got closer to each other.

There was still no sex, the blonde was very mindful of touching the beautiful male and he stuck to his very strict diet since that seem to have been what made Sasori start to like him, if only a little.

Hidan began to hire him again, he enjoyed his sessions with the sadistic albino, sometimes imagining that it was the redhead who was inflicting the pain. The albino was loud and vulgar which Deidara didn’t mind, he like the confidence that the taller male have in himself. 

For one of their sessions, Hidan took him out to a club, for some reason all those body pressed up against him made him feel claustrophobic, he tried focusing on the albino’s body moving against his own.

Rock music played loudly, he let the alcohol and music take over, feeling the taller male’s body grinding against his own, laughing and jumping. His hair had been in its usual high ponytail, covering his left eye, he had on dark jeans and a light colored shirt with a leather jacket that Hidan had given him and had ordered him to wear.

He let their lips crash against each other in a hungry kiss, moaning out, arms wrapping around the albino’s neck, a part of him felt guilty, as if he was cheating on the redhead. He got to learn one interesting thing about Sasori and that was that the redhead was an art student in university, that was all he managed to get out of Hidan.

While they made out, someone bumped into Deidara, making him stumble, he watched Hidan glare at the man who had bumped into him. “Hey you fucker, hurry up and apologize!” Hidan shouted, pushing Deidara behind him.

“Why should I? Its your fault for being in the way.” The man sneered, next thing the blonde knew, it was all pure chaos, he didn’t see who threw the first punch.

“Hidan, don’t do it, un!” He begged “Its not worth it, un!” Deidara tried to stop the fight but was pushed away by Hidan, landing on his ass, his hands being stepped on. He had never seen the albino look so crazy, punching the man, hands covered in blood.

He heard someone say that the police was coming, hugging Hidan from behind and begging him to stop, even when the anger was directed at him. The punched to his face knocked him out.

When he woke up he was in Hidan’s bedroom and was wearing one of the older male’s shirt.

“You finally decided to wake up, princess.” Hidan said with a smirk on his face, he was shirtless and was wearing dark jeans, his hair slicked back, purple eyes looking highly amused.

“How long was I out for, un?” He asked, pushing his hair back, realizing that it was loose. The blonde watched the albino move closer, blushing brightly when his hair was brushed back by the rougher hand, moaning when it was tugged roughly. 

“Just a couple of hours, the bruise suits you.” Deidara noticed the familiar, sadistic smirk, feeling those lips crash against his own, biting down quite roughly on his bottom lips.

It didn’t take long for the shirt to be ripped off, feeling the sharp teeth digging into his neck. There was nothing kind or loving with how they had sex, it was almost animalistic.

Deidara was quick to beg for the pain, Hidan happily gave it to him, slicing at his skin quite easily, making no comments on the scars that he had or how skinny he was. He enjoys the feeling of the blade against his skin, the bruises that were always left behind and the way that he was always left limping for days after their sessions, it left him with a certain high.

After they were done, Deidara moved to get up and get dressed, finding something to tie his hair with. Hidan passed a white envelope which reminded the blonde that this was just business.

“I put some extra cash for the extra hours you spend, be the little filthy slut that you are and visit my man Sasori tomorrow, alright? Little fucker should get laid at least once before he dies. If you can’t fuck him, I’ll find someone who will, got it?” Hidan pulled Deidara back and bit his neck quite hard, leaving another mark, one that Deidara knew Sasori would see.

The thought of the redhead being with anyone else that wasn’t him made him feel sick. He wanted those cold, silver brown eyes to stare at him, he wanted those soft hands to touch only him. “I’ll do it, un!” He wouldn’t let anyone else touch his beautiful dark angel. 

~~~~oooo000000oooo~~~~

The next day Deidara went to visit Sasori, he had on a baggy hoodie and tight fitted jeans, he smiled brightly as the redhead opened the door.

“Master Sasori,un!” The words just seem to slip, by the time he caught himself, it was too late and he was not going to take it back.

“...Master?”Sasori asked, eyebrows slightly raised in what appeared to be surprise.

“B-Because you are a puppet master, un!” Deidara let out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, hoping that no more questions were asked. He watched the redhead shake his head and grinned, wishing he could at least hug the smaller male but knew better.

If they didn’t have sex Hidan was going to find someone else...he wouldn’t be able to stay with the beautiful redhead. How was he supposed to get the redhead to have sex with him?

Things have been going quite well between them, he would often watch Sasori work on some of his puppet parts while they argued over which art was better.

They were about to have a year knowing each other he was also getting closer to graduating from high school. He had already started applying to different colleges.

Luckily the bruised on his face was covered by his long bang, that was one less thing to explain to the redhead. He accepted a cup of green tea that Sasori gave him and watched as the redhead worked on a very realistic looking arm, it even had nails! 

He wishes that every night could be this peaceful, he likes spending hours watching the redhead working on his puppets, sometimes he would work on some of his sculptures. 

Before the redhead went to bed, Deidara stopped him “You know master Sasori...I could suck your cock, un.” He offered, moving closer, a grin on his face.

“I am not interested in sex.” Sasori calmly replied, making Deidara feel as if those silver brown orbs were staring into his very soul.

“I could make you feel really good, un.” Deidara moved closer, brushing his hair back, biting his bottom lip.

Sasori parted his lips to say something but then shut it again, the blonde took it as an invitation, closing the distance between them, bending down to press their lips against each other. For one moment, one very beautiful and fleeting moment, he got to feel those soft lips against his own and then the redhead pulled away “Shut the door behind you.” With that, the smaller male walked up the stairs, leaving the blonde touching his lips and grinning.

It might have been a very short kiss and the redhead might have not kissed back but at least this time he wasn’t pushed away!

“Goodnight, master Sasori, un!” He happily called out, feeling as if he was getting closer to his goal of being with the redhead.

~~~~ooo000ooo~~~~

After that night, whenever they saw each other, Deidara would end it with a fleeting kiss, the redhead never kissed back but the blonde didn’t care, he was sure there would come a day when the beautiful redhead would respond to his feelings and accept him, at night when he was back home he would touch himself, imagining the smaller male touching him, telling him how wonderful he was.

Shortly after his 18th birthday he graduated, that was also the day his mother die and the day that his fantasy world came crashing down.

He could still remember the last conversation with his mother, he had his head resting on her stomach, the cancer had deteriorated each organ, leaving her practically bones, her once beautiful and shiny blonde hair was gone and her once bright and mischievous cerulean eyes, very similar to his own looked sunken in.

“You have always been my pride, Deidara ...I was scared shitless when I first held you in my arms, imagine a 16 year old girl with no supports and a little baby looking at her with those hopeful cerulean blue eyes. I made a promise when I had you...that I would give everything up in order to make you happy…I know I’ve been a terrible mother and I am so sorry, dear...I wish I had more time to prove myself, to spend more time with you.” 

“Don’t be silly, Un! You’ve been the best mom anyone could hope for. I could always talk to you freely about my problems and I know how much you sacrificed for me. Just focus on feeling better, alright?” Just before she fell asleep, he reminded her how much he loves her….she died not too long after that. 

With her death came a numbness, he thought about Sasori, his beautiful dark angel who could always make him feel alive, he didn’t want to be alone in the empty apartment where he had once shared his life with his mother.

A week after her death he went to see the redhead, there was no session scheduled but he needed to be reminded that he was still very much alive, that someone still care if he was dead or alive.

He grabbed the key from the hidden place that the redhead kept it in, forcing a bright smile on his face as he opened the door “Master Sasori, guess who came to make sure you didn’t spend a lonely night today, Un?” He cheerfully asked, then froze at what he saw.

In front of him was a half undressed Sasori, on top of his beloved redhead was a beautiful male with long, black hair that fell to his shoulder and dark onyx eyes ...who was also half undressed. They seem to have been in the middle of a make out session, numbly, he noticed how pale the raven male was and the fact that there was crow shape marks under those eyes.

“Oh...I...didn’t notice you were busy,Un.” He quickly ran away, feeling his eyes watering, it had all been a lie when Sasori told him he was not interested in sex from anyone, he thought about how the redhead used to look at him with disgust any time he mentioned something sexual between the two of them...fuck, he had been a moron! He was surprised when he found himself calling Hidan, through tears, begging the sadistic man to take him.

He met Hidan at his place, he was glad that Hidan didn’t comment on the state that he was in. 

He was completely different from the beautiful dark hair male that Sasori had been with. He happily took every whip that Hidan gave him, every slice and cut to his skin, he felt as if he was floating when Hidan tied him up and choked him, the pain was all he needed to feel alive again, through it all, he let the tears fall and laughed, he had been so stupid.

After that night with Hidan, he kept going back and avoiding Sasori at all cost, not that the redhead tried to contact him as far as the blond knew. He let the pain Hidan inflicted upon him swallow him whole and add up to the pain he inflicted upon himself after each session. 

He couldn’t even look at his own reflection, the image of the dark beauty hunted him and how the usually quiet and cold redhead had been in such an intimate embrace.

Among all the chaos, something good arrived to help him out, due to his grades he was able to get a scholarship for one of the colleges he applied to, it was far enough where he could get away from the toxic city and the painful memories attached to it. They had a program which helped mix what he love, which was art with chemistry which would be something his mother would have been proud of.

His mother had always wanted him to go to college since she had been unable to, it had been one of her regrets.

He e-mailed the school to get some more information and they agreed that in two month he would move.

There was one issue and that was how to tell Hidan, not that he thought the albino cared, he had a lot of people he could fuck, Deidara understood that he was just a toy to Hidan.

The next day when he went to Hidan house, he chickened out from telling the albino. He got tied up, the rope marking his bony, pale wrist, ankles and throat. 

**“You are one kinky fucker, you seem to always get off on this type of shit.”** Hidan laughed, using a thin blade to carve under the hip, making Deidara moan out and arch, begging for more.

The blond could feel his blood dripping down to his legs, the knife sliced at his inner thigh, next to long, red thin lines made by Deidara that day, he had carved words in his body, he had even let Hidan carve words, what did it matter?

While he moaned and begged he imagined Sasori’s disgusted look directed at him, he deserved this pain and so much more. 

He screamed at the harsh tug to his balls and the bite to one of them which made him cum. 

Since he hadn't asked for permission, he was given 20 whips. Deidara was addicted to the pain. 

Hidan paid him once they were done and Deidara limped to his apartment, he let the freezing water sooth him. 

It was a routine for him to go every night to Hidan and let the albino abuse him, he heard nothing about Sasori, not until three weeks before he was supposed to leave.

Apparently, Sasori had admitted to him being nothing but a cheap whore, Hidan had been talking to the redhead on the phone and Deidara stumbled upon the conversation. 

Hidan’s back was turned to him, the beautiful albino laughed “_-bad you didn't want blondie, he's one kinky fucker.” _

Deidara held his breath, biting the inside of his cheek, Sasori’s words were a bit hard to make out.

_“He might be a cheap whore but you should have at least tasted him, h-”_ Deidara walked away from the rest of the conversation, going to the bathroom and throwing up. 

That night he made a decision, he would leave the toxic city and forget about everyone in it. When he got home he packed everything he needed and left the next day.

_ **College would surely bring something better. ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This needed to happen, more about a lot of the things that happened in this chapter will be revealed in later ones, this kind of signifies the end of Deidara's innocence.
> 
> The next few chapters will probably be fast paced but its needed to get closer to one of the plots of the story.
> 
> Let me know what you think.


	5. Refrain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter, Deidara nerding using chemistry. Sorry in advance if there's anything wrong in his chemical talk, I did quite a bit of research to try and make what he talks about as accurate as possible but yeah, I am not a chemist, I did psychology.
> 
> If I have any chemistry students or fellow nerds among my readers, would love to know if what I wrote can pass as plausible. 
> 
> Enjoy~

Deidara didn’t have a lot of things he needed to take with him when he moved into his dorm, he was lucky enough to have his own room instead of sharing with someone, the only area he shared was the common areas such as kitchen and living room.

At first it was hard to focus on his classes, he kept recalling the conversation he overheard between Hidan and Sasori, remembering those blank brown orbs and how they looked when Deidara saw him undressed.

His appetite was none existent, the thought of eating just reminded him of his first time accepting food from Sasori...everything reminded him of the redhead. The blonde had been tempted multiple times to contact the two he had left behind. Hidan’s rough nature suited Deidara perfectly, it gave him the punishment he was always desiring and at this point even Deidara could admit to himself that he was obsessed with the redhead.   
College was interesting, he loves mixing chemicals with different clays to create beautiful explosions, he became well known for it and focused his time and energy on trying to develop the perfect clay and chemical mixture to bring out his art. 

He had cut his hair, leaving it neck length, the only long part that remained was the bang that covered his left eye from the world. 

“Everyone knows that explosives are pretty much Nitrogens with Oxygen in a perfect combination, Un. The alkai metals are what everyone keeps using, what I am saying is that if we use francium to create the next one and mix it with clay, we can have the perfect work of art, Un.” Deidara explained to a small group of people in his class, his chemistry professor looked at him proudly.

“That idea is nuts! Francium is highly radioactive and its extremely rare to find, we would die before we could test it properly, also, how can you mix the clay with it?” One of the students asked with a huff.

“Alkai metals are already found in clay, Un. What I am saying is to increase the amount, we would keep the Francium under strict lockdown, this will be the new nuclear bomb, Un!”Deidara calmly replied, starting to draw a chart on the board to show the correlation of explosives radius with each element. 

“And what clay do you suggest? It has to be one which chemical composition that can withstand the heat until it explodes.” Another student said, pushing up her glasses.

“Oil clay can be used for explosives, it can also mold to different shapes, Un.” Deidara explained. He was trying to research more on RDX and C4 classifications to see how he could make it stronger. 

What was more important was a way to detonate the clay from whatever distance he was. He would need to create a special device for it. 

“But it loses velocity the higher the heat, how would we be able to detonate it? It would be a failure.” The same girl shot back, looking irritated. 

“There is a boiling point, these types of clays have a point where they explode, Un.”He told her, moving to make another chart.

“It’s not going to work.” Now she sounded really annoyed. “I mean, let’s not even add the fact that we can't get Francium, the clay is all wrong.” 

“I can make it work, Un.” He shot back, glaring at her.

“Why don't we make this a challenge, hmm? Whoever wins gets extra credit and I'll work on getting them featured in our next article.” The professor intervened, sounding quite calm.

“Fine(Un)!” They both shot out, glaring at each other.

That experiment was one of the best and worst things to happen to him.

Deidara spend hours working on the assignment, he forgot about his problems and the world when he was sculpting. One of his first challenge was finding out the boiling point of the clay.

He wrote down a lot of data, spacing around back and forth, when he felt like giving up he would look at the picture of his mother. Sasori was gone from his mind, he still struggled with eating but it got better. 

When the challenge day came he got everything ready, he had found a way to do it, luckily, the school had helped him with material.

His presentation was hidden by a crimson curtain. Once the class arrived, he got ready, letting the girl go first.

“If we try to add oil clay it will only liquify and leave a complete mess, that’s why I went with dynamite at a higher concentration level, using thin electric wires to not only shape it but set it off.” She revealed her project, it looked like a swan standing at about half a foot, it was set in the bombing room then she pushed down on the handle which led to the wires, it made a blast which lasted a second or two, she smirked.

Deidara ran a hand through his hair “Oil clay gives the artist the freedom to mold their piece perfectly while creating a beautiful explosion, Un.” He started “Electronic wires is limited, time consuming and painful. With clay we can mix chemicals and shape it however we want, it is also less expensive, Un. “ He carefully lifted his piece and took it to the bombing room then exposed it.

He had made a two feet dove and a two and a half size man like figure, he got out and said. “Sena-san, art is an explosion, Un.” A loud sound could be heard as his pieces exploded, seeming to shake the room with the wave of it. 

There had been no wires or warning, his microrobots had exploded at the sound of his code which only activated with his voice at a specific wavelength. No trace was left of what he had created.

Everyone looked stunned then his professor clapped his hands, looking proud. “Brilliant, Deidara! How did you do it?” He asked proudly.

“Its obvious he cheated, Professor!” Sena snapped, glaring at the blond.

“I used something to moderate and activate it, Un. If the waves are quick enough, the clay won't have time to harden, Un.” Deidara replied, pulling clay from his pocket.

He quickly began to mold it, letting the professor and Sena touch and smell the clay to confirm it was oil clay. He molded it into a small bird then grab one of his microrobot, after tweaking a few things, he entered it in the clay “Katsu!” He loudly said, the piece exploded, this one much weaker, nothing was left of the oil. 

“Deidara, I want to feature this in our next article, I'll talk to the school about getting you a research grant.”His professor told him. 

After that day, he was featured under his pen name Zakutaro, very few knew who he actually was, on the few, very rare interviews he did, he would wear a mask shaped like a dove to hide his face, voice distorted. He did not want people to know who he was, he did it for his art.

A lot of people visit his gallery, they would gasp and talk about the beauty of it. When he wasn't at his gallery, he was busy trying to master a better way to mix his technique. 

He felt free and happy, his past seem to be a distant memory. It felt as if nothing could go wrong and for a while it didn't.

He made enough money to buy his own apartment, one room was turned into his lab, another one into his studio and his basement into the bombing room. 

Slowly but surely Deidara was forgetting Sasori and Hidan, he would erase them from his memory and live a new life where Zakutaro was the lead, he could forget about how foolish he had been when he was younger and the tears he had shed for the beautiful redhead.


	6. Do I wanna know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! I am super late on my update, some stuff happened in RL and also I was struggling to write our newest character...TOBI.
> 
> I can't be hyper like him, it takes too much energy, also talking about Tobi, he stole the show this chapter, I had originally planned for him to be a side character, not use him a lot and then he took over so I guess I'll have to get used to writing him.
> 
> There will be Tobi x Deidara this chapter and future chapters, not sure until when, he's surprisingly good at dealing with Deidara. Also, Tobi will be switching from Deidara-dono to Deidara-Senpai and Senpai a lot.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading, leaving kudos and comments it means a lot. 
> 
> Thanks to Eira_Ho, Chatfics_for_life and Jwofwonders for their comments, sorry if I forgot anyone.
> 
> Alright, enjoy the story.

With Deidara’s growing fame came a need for a manager which came in the name of a young looking boy named Tobi, when they had first been introduced to each other the blonde had thought it was one big joke, he had stared at the spiky dark hair, the odd orange swirl mask he kept on and then turned to his professor.

“...Why him,un?” Deidara had calmly asked, wondering what was up with the odd mask, sure Deidara had one of his own but that was for interviews so that he couldn’t be found by the people of his past, he had a legit reason behind it.

“Tobi is our genius at the business school, he’s proven that he can handle being a manager and has already come up with some wonderful plan for you. Why don’t the two of you get to know each other? I’ll leave you be.” With that Deidara’s professor had left them in the empty classroom.

“Nice to meet you, Deidara-dono!” Tobi happily greeted. 

“Ah...yeah,un.” Was all the blonde said, he wasn’t much of a talker finding conversations to be useless, people were only interested in one thing and that was sex, why should he waste his energy forming attachment with them? This kid would leave soon enough as well.

“Deidara-dono is as pretty as a girl, are you sure you are a guy, Deidara-senpai?” Tobi giggled, as if what he said was some amazing joke that everyone would love.

Deidara glared at the younger boy, tempted to punch him, he could already feel a migraine coming “So annoying, un.” He grumbled, already moving to leave, he had work to do.

“Waaaaiit, Deidara-senpai! We need to talk about booking galleries and our plan moving forward. Well...if this fails Tobi guess Deidara-senpai could be part of those POP group girls.” Tobi started giggling again at his terrible joke at the end, he did get some joy out of teasing the blonde who acted so coldly. He wanted to see that cold face break for his own amusement.

They managed to sit down and come up with a plan after a bit more of teasing from the spiky hair guy, Tobi was surprisingly smart and good at coming up with ideas, the blonde hadn’t been expecting it.

“Tobi thinks that Deidara’s-dono strategy of having a few interviews and appearing in public is a good idea, it increases demand to want to know about the mysterious new artist and no one has been able to duplicate your work this leads to more people wanting your artwork. Leave everything to Tobi.” This was how Deidara and Tobi became a team.

No matter how eccentric and annoying the spiky hair guy was, he seemed to always come up with brilliant plans, at first they were featured in small galleries, the name Zakutaro becoming more known.

Everyone wanted to know more about the mysterious artist, with the increase in his popularity he had to spend more time working which meant even less time thinking about his past, it all felt like some odd, distant dream he had. He no longer needed to sell himself for money or depend on others, Deidara needed no one, the only person he had cared for and who had cared for him had passed away.

The aloof male had a lot of suitors, both male and female who were enamored with the cold look on his face and his androgynous look but he rejected them all, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had sex.

The only reminder he had of his past was the marks on his body, the words branded by Hidan which he would sometimes trace ‘Slut’, ‘Whore’, ‘Princess’ among others. He was broken goods, who would want to be with someone like him? Not that he wanted to be anyone, it would all end in disappointment, he learned that the hard way, he had been such a foolish little boy.

When he wasn’t alone and working he was spending time with Tobi, the kid was like an annoying little dog always yapping away at things happily, Deidara would admit that he was very curious about the face hidden behind the mask, why did the kid feel the need to hide his face? 

Deidara had asked Tobi about it but the spiky hair guy had just made a joke and dodged the question, well he supposed everyone was entitled to their secrets, it wasn’t as if Tobi poked around his personal life either. 

Eventually he was able to gain enough money and power to have his own gallery, Tobi staying by his side, when the gallery had first opened they had celebrated together, Deidara wished he could say that he got to see the younger male’s face but that would have been a lie, the kid used a freaking straw to drink alcohol, who does that?! 

The blonde drank until he was completely drunk, they had ended up on a small hill, looking up at the night sky, the air a bit chilly. 

“It looks so beautiful...to think that what we are looking at are mostly remains of objects in space, un.” He hummed out, taking another swig of the bottle, feeling the alcohol burn down his throat, he loved it.

“Tobi didn’t know that Deidara-senpai was so sentimental~” The younger male teased, laying next to the blonde, their arms touching.

“Sentimental? Maybe foolish as well, un. My mother gave everything she had to raise me, just like these stars that we are seeing and like my art, her beauty was fleeting but forever remembered, un.” It felt as if the sky would swallow him whole.

“I knew someone like that...maybe that’s why I like your art so much, Deidara-dono...it’s like a reflection for those of us who are damned.” Tobi’s voice had grown quieter, more serious.

The blonde was surprised in the change of voice and the fact that for the first time the younger male had lost his eccentric way of speaking, he turned to look at his manager and friend “What happened to them, un?” Deidara didn’t know why he whispered the question or why he held his breath.

“They were murdered.”Was all that Tobi softly said, drinking from his own bottle, the straw may have looked silly but it worked perfectly to stop anyone from seeing his face.

The blonde stayed quiet in shock for a few minutes, he couldn’t say that he understood because he didn’t, but he knew one thing that he could do. Maybe it was because both of them were drunk or maybe it was because of his past slowly trying to come back to him but he moved forward, putting on that seductive look he knew work so well on everyone.

“You know Tobi...I could make you forget and feel better.” Deidara purred out, resting a hand on the younger male’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to forget about it and I don’t want to feel better, what are you running away from, Senpai?” Tobi sounded so mature, as if he could see every secret that Deidara has been trying to keep. 

For a moment the blonde thought that he saw those cold, silver brown orbs, it made his chest ache and his stomach feel like it was burning from the inside out. “You are just like him...of course you wouldn’t want something like me, un...forget it.” Deidara softly said, hugging himself and looking away, it was definitely the alcohol doing this to him.

“Deidara...close your eyes until I tell you otherwise.” Tobi ordered, running a hand through his spiky, black hair, the blonde was confused but listened.

Slowly, he closed his eyes, wondering what Tobi was planning, at first there was nothing, just the cold breeze around them and the scent of earth...and then he felt it, eyes almost opening in surprise. Cool lips pressed against his own, a hand holding on firmly to the back of his head. He didn’t kiss back, not for a few seconds then the blonde found himself pressing closer, letting out a moan into the kiss. He wanted to open his eyes and look at the younger male, but didn’t want this to end, Deidara hadn’t realized how hollow he had felt until now.

Deidara wanted more than just the kiss, he wanted to be used again the way Hidan would use him, his hand moved up, feeling the spiky hair and tugged on it, bottle forgotten. A whine left his lips when he was pulled away and they stopped kissing, cheeks flushed and panting sounds escaping, he desperately wanted to open his eyes but remember the order given to him, biting down on his bottom lip, he felt the rough hand on his cheek and then it pulled away.

“Senpai is such a good boy, you can open your eyes now.” Tobi said, his voice back to that cheerful, annoying tone he always had on. The blonde slowly opened his eyes, seeing that Tobi had his mask back on “Senpai is amazing...don’t ever forget that.” Tobi told him, his fingers running through the blonde strands.

“Have sex with me, Tobi.” It was better to be blunt with these things, besides, it was what the younger male wanted as well, right? That was the only reason people got close to him.

“Deidara-senpai is so blunt! Are you trying to corrupt poor, innocent Tobi?” The younger male teased, bringing his hands up to cover his face as if he was shy then laughed.

“I am serious Tobi! Drop that persona...it’s okay, you don’t even have to be thinking about me while you do it.” The blonde felt frustrated, he moved to straddle the younger male, moving to take off his shirt but was stopped by a hand, looking down at the younger male in confusion.

“I am not interested in having sex, Deidara-dono.” The words hit him like a shot from a sniper, taking away his breath, it was almost as if he was hearing Sasori once more “What happened to my aloof senpai who didn’t care about anyone? Why are you lowering yourself down to this level?” Tobi asked in that serious, lower voice that Deidara was pretty damn sure was the real Tobi.

The blonde felt disgusted in himself, looking away, here he was being scolded by the younger male and being rejected once more “Ah...of course you wouldn’t be interested, I am sorry, I read too much into that kiss. Didn’t you know Tobi...where I come from, I am nothing but a slut and prostitute.” He smiled and moved to pull away but was brought down by the younger male.

“Deidara...I don’t know anything about your past or what happened, but you are not just some slut and prostitute, you are the most desired artist right now and a very talented chemist. The reason I am not interested has nothing to do with you and your worth. Come on, Senpai, I’ll take you back home, you are really drunk right now.” 

Deidara stayed quiet, thinking over the words the younger male had said, he felt a tug to his hair and groaned out, looking down at the younger male.

“Its cold, Deidara-dono, let’s go back to your place.” The blonde nodded, moving to pull away, he was quiet as they walked back to his place, feeling an arm around his shoulder.

When they made it back to his home, Tobi led him back to his room, even taking off his shoes and tugging him in bed, Deidara holding on to his wrist “Don’t go...spend the night, idiot.” He didn’t want to be alone while his past came back to him.

“Close your eyes, senpai.” Tobi ordered, the blonde obeying, wondering what the younger male was planning, he felt cool lips against him once more, moaning out. He wondered if the younger male had changed his mind, would they have sex? Would Tobi ask questions about his body? He deepened their kiss, his body feeling warm, wanting more than just the kiss “Tobi...please.” He needily begged, apparently his pride was momentarily forgotten.

“Deidara-dono really wants to corrupt innocent little Tobi.” The younger male teased when he pulled away from their kiss, moving to kiss Deidara’s cheek after a minute or two he said “You can open your eyes now, Senpai.” 

The blonde opened them, looking at the now masked face and groaned out “Bastard.” He grumbled “Innocent my ass, you bastard.” He watched the younger male move to get on his bed, taking off his shoes as well and his jacket then Tobi moved to pull Deidara against him.

“Go to sleep Deidara-senpai, Tobi will be a good boy and stay here.” He assured, running his fingers through the blonde’s hair, hearing a small purring sound, he didn’t know the blonde was so sensitive.

“You won’t take off your mask to sleep?” Deidara asked, starting to feel sleepy but didn’t want to sleep, what if this was all a dream?

“Tobi will once Deidara-senpai goes to sleep. Tobi will be here.” He promised, watching the blonde struggle to stay awake then fell asleep.

Once the blonde was sleeping, Tobi took off his mask, letting out a small sigh, looking down at the blonde with his dark eyes, he hadn’t planned this, well things would be back to normal by tomorrow, they could go back to their respective roles. Pulling the blonde closer to him, Tobi went to sleep or at least tried to.

~~~~~---------~~~~~~


	7. Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone~ Things are gonna get angsty this chapter and the next few, also be ready to see Sasori soon. I swear this is a Sasori x Deidara story even though we haven't had much of them yet haha, we'll be getting quite a bit of them interacting once this arc is done which is the set up for what I have plan. 
> 
> Warnings: Deidara being an alcoholic, angst.  
Also we are gonna have some Tobi x Deidara again since Tobi has taken over.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who reads, leave kudos and comment, it means a lot to me. Next chapter will be posted today.

Deidara slowly opened his eyes, a groan escaping his lips as he closed them again, the light was too bright. He waited a few seconds before trying once more, starting to get flashes of last night, he felt around but the other side of the bed was empty and cold, he should have known that Tobi was lying, who would want to stay with him?

His fingers moved up to touch his lips, remembering the kiss then he blushed and covered his head with his pillow, why the fuck was he acting like some kid with a crush?! Especially over that annoying brat? As if he could ever like such an annoying piece of shit!

The blonde shook his head, groaning out at the migraine he could feel, slowly moving to get out of his bed, almost falling in the process. Even with his socks on the floor felt cold, he walked out of his bedroom and toward the kitchen, wondering if he had any hangover pills and if he could be bothered to cook, that was when his nose got assaulted with the scent of something delicious, eyes widening at the sight in front of him as he got closer to his kitchen.

Tobi was in his kitchen, mask on, of course, he had on an apron that looked like muscles which the blonde knew 100% he didn’t have before. The younger male was humming while adding some spices to the large pot, some music was playing quiet, it was some pop music with some artist that had an annoyingly high pitched voice.

Deidara stayed watching for a minute or two in shock “What...the fuck are you doing, Tobi? Un.” He asked, moving closer, the younger male turning around with a spatula.

“Tobi is being a good boy~ Deidara-senpai needs some hangover soup, right? There’s a glass of water and two pills, take them.” The spiky hair maled brightly said, his voice back to that annoying high pitch voice he always talked in, Deidara wondered if last night had been his imagination.

He thought about the way Tobi had talked to him and the kiss, blushing for a moment before shaking his head, it had been his imagination! There was no way the idiot could be so...mature. 

“Does senpai have a fever?” Tobi asked, moving closer, one of his gloved hands moving to touch the blonde’s forehead but Deidara slapped it away with a huff.

“I am fine, why the hell do you have that weird apron on, un?” He moved to grab the small pills from the counter and downed a glass of water, swallowing both tiny pills.

“Tobi wanted to look strong, Senpai kept trying to take advantage of poor, innocent Tobi.” The dark haired male sounded as if he was the victim but also as if he was telling some great joke, Deidara was very tempted to punch him.

They kept bickering back and forth even when Tobi set down a small bowl of soup for Deidara, it looked clear with some seaweed and lots of vegetables as well as herbs. “Aren’t you going to have breakfast as well, idiot? Un.” The blonde asked with a scowl on his face.

“Tobi ate already while Deidara-senpai slept like sleeping beauty.” Tobi giggled at his own terrible joke, the look Deidara was giving him said that if there had been something close to throw at him, he would have already been getting threatened.

With a grumble the blonde moved to taste it, eyes widening in surprise, he took another spoonful of it, looking at Tobi in surprise, he might act like an idiot but apparently he was a damn great cook, the blonde grumbled about something and then proceeded to practically devour it, this was a surprise to Deidara since he usually didn’t bother eating, especially first thing in the morning. 

There was still that small voice in his head telling him not to be a fatass and reminded him what happened when he had first eaten with Sasori, did he want Tobi to leave him as well for seeing how disgusting he look while eating? He decided to make a compromise, after this he wouldn’t eat for the rest of the day. It’s not like he likes his manager or anything, he couldn’t care about being alone again, what did it matter?

The rest of the day was spent with them bickering and planning Deidara’s newest art for his gallery.

After that night things seem to change between them, it had been subtle, they still spend their time bickering and Tobi still knew how to drive Deidara mad but the blonde could feel a certain attraction toward the dark haired male, he would catch himself staring at the idiot longer and sometimes dreaming of his manager but with that came the memories of Sasori and Hidan, he didn’t want things to end up like that once more.

Due to his increase in workload because of his gallery, he spent most of his time at home, he had only a few classes at school, due to his big success he didn’t really need to go to school, he would have most of his lessons online so that he could work around his busy schedule.

Tobi started visiting his home more often, they had quite a few meetings, it was mostly about how to keep Zakutaro image up with his fame rising, Tobi had accepted one interview for him, they were well known and would help his art spread.

His manager had taken him to a salon to professionally do his hair, teasing the blonde about being a pretty girl which led to a comb being thrown at the younger male and a few chosen curse words, his hair was now shoulder length, he had been planning on cutting it once more but Tobi stopped him. 

Tobi changed his orange mask to a white swirl one not the blonde got to see his face, Deidara had on his dove mask with a white suit on, he was led to the interview room when they made it to the studio, it looked like some fancy living room with red couch, the reporter was some beautiful looking lady that smelled of expensive perfume and had bright red lipstick. They introduced themselves before the show started.

“Hello everyone, today we are blessed to have the amazing Zakutaro on our show, he is known for his beautiful and explosive arts that no one has been able to duplicate. Hello Zakutaro, thank you so much for appearing on our show, why did you decide to say yes?” The lady asked.

“Hello Jane, thank you for having me, I’ve heard good things about your show and how much of a lovely hostess you are.” His voice was distorted thanks to the mask he had on, he had built it to hide his identity, even managing to hide his speech impairment. 

They talked about his art, what inspired it, what was his plan for the future and then the question came.

“So Zakutaro, your fans have one question for you, is there someone special in your life? Someone that you might like?” Jane asked, leaning closer to him as if they were sharing a secret.

His eyes moved to Tobi, seeing the idiot waving at him happily then they thought of those silver brown orbs, he caught himself and shook his head “The only thing I love in life is art, to me art is and will always be fleeting.” Why had he thought about that stupid idiot when the question was asked? There was no way he was starting to like Tobi.

After the show he thanked the hostess and the staff, Tobi had brought gifts for them, apparently that was how it was done in Japan, which is where Tobi was from.

They had been walking out of the studio and toward their car when Deidara saw the poster, he stopped, it was Sasori’s puppets, the last one he had seen the redhead work on but it had been incomplete. 

Deidara tried to act as if nothing was wrong, half listening to Tobi talk about their schedule then blinked when the car stopped in front of his house “Tobi has a surprise for Deidara-dono tonight, Tobi needs to finish some more work but I’ll be back tonight, okay?” 

The blonde looked at the younger male, wondering what he was planning “Just don’t do anything too stupid, idiot, un.” Was all he said before getting out and going inside.

He took off his white suit and changed into something more comfortable which ended up being baggy sweatpants and a baggy white shirt with some art quote, he turned on his laptop and began to check the show that Sasori was meant to have. The redhead was so close to him yet so far away, he wondered if he should go then thought about how things had ended...his dark angel thought that he was just some cheap whore. 

He walked to his bar, opening a bottle of vodka and mixed it with some juice then drank it, soon he was three bottles in, stumbling as he went to his backyard, using some of his clay already prepared to make a mini dove and a puppet “Master Sasori, you are such an asshole but why do I still like you?” He slurred out “Katsu!” With that the two small clay exploded, he laughed, going back inside to drink some more, remembering how it had felt to kiss the redhead, he grab another bottle, going to his bedroom.

Deidara drank, letting the alcohol burn down his throat, he thought about the beautiful redhead, something he hadn’t done in a long time, his eyes closed, imagining those cold silver brown orbs, he imagined the redhead on top of him, straddling him and groaned out, his body feeling hot. His hand slipped down his pants and boxer, holding on to his limp member then began to slowly stroke it, imagining the redhead being the one to do it. 

He spread his legs some more, letting himself get lost in his fantasy, it took about ten minutes for him to get hard, his cock swelling up, he really was nothing but a cheap whore...and then he heard Tobi’s voice ** _ “-_ ** ** _ you are not just some slut and prostitute-” _ ** Why did the idiot have to say something like that to him?

Those cold silver brown orbs turned into the orange mask, he almost laughed, to think that he didn’t even have an image of the idiot to masturbate to.

The blonde began to moan out, imagining Tobi on top of him, the way the rough hand had felt and those cold lips against his own, his hips arched up, trying to grind against the imaginary image. He thought of that rough hand around his neck, choking him the way that Hidan used to “Fuck...Tobi...more!” Deidara gasped out, feeling that warm sensation in his stomach, he was so close, just a few more stroke and he would be able to get some sweet release “Please...fuck me...please Tobi.” He begged, trying to focus on the image of the younger male on top of him but a part of him kept thinking about those cold silver brown orbs, even now when he was trying to forget! 

Deidara started stroking himself faster, toes curling, a sob escaping as he called out a name while he came  **“S-Sasori!” ** for a moment he was lost in the bliss that would happen after an orgasm, panting as he slowly came down from it and then he heard a sound, staring with glazed eyes for a moment until he realized who it was, he wondered if it was his drunken mind seeing things but when the figure began to turn away, he quickly got up, stumbling and going after it, ignoring the fact that his pants were still down and his hand was covered in his own cum.

“Tobi, wait!” He called out “H-How much did you see?”

“Senpai is so naughty, is this what grown ups do when the children are away?”Tobi teased, his back to the older male “Tobi didn’t see much but senpai should go wash his hands.” 

The blonde blushed brightly, wondering how much the dark haired male had heard “Tobi just came to bring something for senpai, I’ll leave now.” 

Why did it feel like Tobi was angry with him? The younger male sounded as happy and annoying as usual but Deidara had a feeling of dread, as if somehow he had fucked things up, would Tobi leave him as well?

He moved to grab the smaller male’s wrist “Don’t go, idiot.” It was meant to sound like an order but for some reason it sounded as if he was pleading, luckily he had grabbed the younger male with his clean hand, the other one feeling sticky.

With a bright blush on his cheek he walked passed Tobi, toward the kitchen and washed his hand “Spend the night.” He turned to look at Tobi who was already heading toward the front door, the blonde running after him, hugging him from behind.

“I am sorry...I don’t know how I fucked up this time but I am sorry...please don’t go Tobi.” He didn’t know why he was begging, why was he acting like the stupid, foolish boy he had been only a few years ago?

“Deidara-dono is drunk again and doesn’t know what he’s saying, you should get some rest, Tobi didn’t mean to disturb you while you were busy.” The dark haired male pulled away “Tobi will be leaving now.” And then he was gone, ignoring the way Deidara called for him.

The blonde watch the closed door and ran a hand through his hair, he cursed turning to go back to his room, that was when he saw the envelop, the blonde opened it, inside was one ticket to see Sasori’s gallery and a note “Tobi saw Deidara-dono looking at the poster and thought we should go and see the competition, Deidara-dono’s art will always be the best! xxTobixx” 

Deidara cursed again, holding on to the ticket and the note, he had fucked things up again, that seem to be the only thing he was good at, Tobi must have heard him moaning out Sasori’s name, it’s not like they were dating so why did he feel as if he was caught cheating?!

Wait, when did he start liking Tobi? He went back to his room, putting the ticket and note away, wondering when it was that he started feeling attracted to the annoying, younger male and then it hit him, it was when they had celebrated the opening of his gallery, when he had seen the other side of Tobi and felt those cool lips against his own.

Well it seems he wasn’t getting a repeat of that, he would be lucky if Tobi talked to him ever again after this. Wonderful, Deidara managed to fuck up another good thing in his shitty life.


	8. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get steamy this chapter~ Second chapter in a day because I am procrastinating on applying for my placements haha. 
> 
> Warning for the chapter:  
Self harm, struggling with eating disorder, Deidara can have a potty mouth, lots of angst and things get steamy between Deidara and Tobi.
> 
> Enjoy~

~~~~~_____~~~~~

For three weeks Deidara barely heard from Tobi, after that night they didn’t talk unless it had to do with work and even then most of the time he got an email, the small voice in his head smugly told him that it had been right, he had fucked things up again.

The blonde couldn’t be bothered to eat much, everything tasted disgusting, he felt as if he had brought it upon himself by breaking his rule of limiting his eating and not eating in front of others.

The cuts started coming back, he found sweet relief at slashing his flesh, it wasn’t as if he was doing this because of that stupid kid, why should he care if Tobi left him as well? Everyone would leave.

Wounds that had long since been healed were open up again, seeing how everyone he cared about left him, Sasori had been right after all, he truly was some cheap whore, even Tobi got to see that side of him.

The days passed in a blur, he managed to come off as normal whenever he did have to go outside and interact with others due to work, as the day of Sasori gallery got closer, Deidara began to wonder if he should go, he doubt Tobi would be going after what happened.

On show day he dressed in dark clothes, wearing a beanie, hair loose. He finished it with dark sunglasses and left, he always had with him some of his creation. 

The gallery was quite big, it was located in a white marble building that had some black wooden brown accent to it. 

There were different puppets, the place was filled, people laughing and talking. 

He looked around, half wondering what he would do if he saw the beautiful redhead, what would he say? He also wondered if he would see Tobi but gave up on the idea.

There was a group surrounding a particular puppet, Deidara walked closer then froze.

It was the puppet from the poster, its lips were moving, saying something that he couldn't quite hear. Next to him was a tall figure with long, onyx hair and piercing black eyes that could be seen from the raven shaped mask, he knew that it was the same person he had last seen Sasori with.

“-Zakutaro? They are a fool, art is not an explosion, it is something eternal, a masterpiece. They make silly little show and everyone awws as if it is something artistic, but the thing is that it withers away quickly.” The puppet was saying, it had a deep voice, it made him think of his Sasori. 

“They think in a very shallow way. It is the same trick played out again.” The onyx haired male said in a low, quiet voice. 

Deidara noticed the way the onyx haired male stood close to the puppet and felt the familiar numbness. 

“You are wrong, Un.”Deidara quietly said, he took out one of his creation and threw it back “Art is an explosion.” He walked away, dropping a few more of his clay figure then he said firmly “Katsu!” Within seconds loud explosions could be heard, he was already out of the door.

Deidara headed toward his car, surprised when he saw Tobi leaning against it, his cheeks turning red, great the annoying brat even got to see him at his lowest, it felt as if he was being judged.

“Tobi will drive, get in Senpai.” Deidara hesitated but gave the keys to his car to his manager, getting inside on the passenger side, he put on his seatbelt but didn’t say anything, thinking about Sasori, he truly was a puppet genius.

“Deidara-dono shouldn’t listen to them or let them win, instead of crying over what they said Deidara-dono should destroy them...Tobi will help.” The words were said so cheerfully and innocently that Deidara would have thought that they were talking about some paperwork or something if he hadn’t known better.

“Why did you come back, Tobi?No...nevermind, it doesn’t matter, you are going to leave again, right you bastard?” He numbly said, too tired to argue, he just wanted to sleep and forget everything.

“Did Deidara-dono miss Tobi?” The younger male teased, letting out one of his annoying giggles. 

The blonde bit the inside of his cheek, refusing to reply, he didn’t have the energy for this. Right now he wanted to go back home, lock himself up, have a cold shower and forget that today happened, he was already imagining the feeling of the blade slicing at his skin.

He was quiet throughout the drive, when they made it to his house he got out without a word and headed inside, moving to close the door only to see Tobi following him.

“What do you want, you buffoon?” He growled out “I am fucking sick and tired of your games, Tobi!!! What do you want from me?Un!” 

“Deidara-senpai is so scary when he’s angry, Tobi is scared.” The younger male covered his face as if to shield himself, hearing Deidara growled.

“Drop that fucking act, you asshole! Are you enjoying making fun of me and seeing me lose my cool?! You think you are so much better than me, hiding behind that stupid mask of yours, under a stupid persona but the truth is that you are a coward, Tobi! You are nothing but a fucking co-”Deidara stopped when he felt a hand around his throat, it seems he managed to finally hit a spot.

“Oh? Did I hit a spot you coward?Un.” Deidara felt the hand tightening around his neck, it felt nice seeing Tobi lose his cool, the younger male was always acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world, finally the mask was breaking.

“Deidara-dono should shut up while Tobi is still being nice.” The spiky hair male lightly said but the blonde could hear the anger behind it.

“Are you going to hit me, you coward? I bet you are used to always running away from everything, you are weak and a coward, Tobi. Un.” Deidara sneered, moving to take off Tobi’s mask, he wanted to see that angry face, sadly his wrists were grabbed, Tobi slamming him against the wall.

“What about you, Deidara-dono? Begging Tobi to stay and to fuck you, as if you have any right to say anything, you are nothing but a coward who hates being alone and will sleep with anyone.” Tobi hadn’t plan to lose his temper as well, this wasn’t part of the plan.

“...Get out you son of a bitch...get the fuck out now! Un.” Deidara struggled against the younger male, surprised at how strong his manager was, the younger male had hit too close to home.

“You are not as innocent as you try to act, Senpai. You walk around with that cold, disinterested look on your face and act as if you are better than everyone else, as if your shit is better than the rest of ours.” Tobi kept going, feeling Deidara struggling more against him, he could feel something rub against him, at first he was unsure of what it was and then it hit him “Deidara-senpai is so naughty, trying to corrupt Tobi even now.” He teased.

The blonde brushed brightly, how could he be aroused by this?! “S-Shut up, un!” This was so embarrassing “Fuck you, Tobi. Un!” Why was the buffoon so freaking strong? His arousal kept rubbing against the younger male, making it hard for him not to moan out “A-Are you planning on running away again? Un.” 

Tobi shook his head and let out a laugh “Close your eyes, Senpai~” He ordered, his voice sounding lower, it was the same one that Deidara remember from their drunken night.

The blonde hesitated but closed them, his body feeling too hot, then he felt the familiar cool lips against his own, he kissed back eagerly, trying to hold on to his anger but couldn’t, it was a losing battle.

Their bodies pressed against each other, his wrists were above his head, the hand that had been around his neck was now holding on to his hips, pushing them down.

“Let me see your face, Tobi. Un.” He begged, he wanted to see how the younger male look like, if only to finally have a face to masturbate to, what was so bad about his manager’s face that he couldn’t see it?

“Is Senpai trying to deflower Tobi? Scary.” Tobi teasingly said, Deidara could feel warm breath against his ear and those cool lips, a gasp left Deidara’s lips.

“You bastard, stop teasing! Let me see your face, what is there to hide, un?” Deidara let out a pleased sound when he felt his neck get kissed, offering more of it, trying to arch his hips up but Tobi kept a firm grip on it. 

“Tobi doesn’t want Senpai to see all of his charms, why should it matter how Tobi looks like?” He bit down on the exposed neck, laughing when he heard the moan he got as a response.

Deidara groaned out, moving to open his eyes, consequences be damned, before he could see much, his eyes were covered by a gloved hand, all he managed to see was what looked to be dark eyes.

“If you try that again I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again, Deidara.” Tobi said in a serious and calm voice. 

The blonde stiffened, closing his eyes “I am sorry, I won’t do it again...don’t leave Tobi, un.” He didn’t need to know how the younger male look like, not if it meant losing him. 

“Keep your eyes close and wait here, Senpai.” Tobi ordered, pulling away, he laughed when he heard Deidara whining, a few minutes later he was back, Deidara still had his eyes closed and was squirming. He wrapped the dark cloth around the older male, covering his eyes then began to lead the blonde toward the bedroom, pushing him down on the bed.

“W-What are you doing, bastard, un?” Deidara asked, blushing brightly, did Tobi want to have sex with him?

“Deidara-senpai likes playing adult games, right? He should show Tobi how its done.” The younger male teased, unzipping the blonde’s pants, pulling it down once Deidara rose his hips up, he pulled down the boxers as well, just enough to see the swollen cock “Senpai likes to shave down there? He really is like a girl.” Tobi teased, giggling.

“S-Shut up, you idiot!” This was so embarrassing but hot, Deidara hadn’t thought that Tobi could act like this, maybe he was dreaming all of this, all thought of Sasori and what happened earlier was gone.

“Tobi wants senpai to touch himself for Tobi...you’ll do that right?” The younger male asked, whispering it in the blonde’s ear, knowing what effect it had.

“W-What?! N-No way, un!” The idiot  **had ** seen him that day!This was so embarrassing.

Tobi grabbed one of Deidara’s hand, bringing it down “Touch yourself for Tobi, Senpai.” The spiky hair male ordered, watching the blonde hold on to his arousal and start stroking himself while glancing away.

“Deidara-senpai can do better than that, show Tobi how much you want it, Senpai.” Tobi teased, watching the older male, it was quite the beautiful sight having the usually cool man look so needy and aroused.

The blonde squeezed the based of his cock and kept stroking it slowly, spreading his legs, hips arching up, moans escaping his lips, he didn’t want his manager to see his disgusting body, what if it made the younger male leave him again? He tried to put on a show for Tobi, trying not to die of embarrassment, he didn’t know why he was feeling embarrassed, how many people has he fucked and been fucked by? Way too many. 

He felt Tobi grab the hem of his shirt but stopped the younger male “D-Don’t, you have your reason to hide your face...I have my reason to hide my body, un.” He softly said.

“I’ll turn off the lights...will that make it better?” Tobi asked him in that voice that Deidara was by now 100% sure was the real Tobi, not the idiot he acted like. The blonde hesitated for a moment but nodded. 

Deidara felt Tobi pull away and heard him walk around after a few minutes he felt the younger male come back, then his shirt was pulled off along with his pants and boxers “You are so beautiful, Deidara.” Tobi murmured, running his fingers through the older male’s stomach and down to his hips, bending down to kiss the older male’s body.

“T-Tobi, can I take off the blindfold, un?” He thought his manager was going to decline the request but seconds later he felt his blindfold get removed, it was completely dark, he could barely make out the figure on top of him through the darkness, he supposed it was in part because of his windows, he had them tainted so that the sunlight or moonlight wouldn’t disturb him when he wanted to crash after long nights of staying up working. 

His hand moved up to trace Tobi’s face but he was stopped by a gloved hand, bringing his fingers to the cool lips, he groaned out when he felt his index finger get sucked on, the blonde could feel Tobi’s teeth brush against his skin, it was such a simple act yet his body felt as if it was burning up. Why couldn’t he at least trace the younger male’s face? What was Tobi so worried about?

The blonde arched his hips up, moving his other hand down to stroke himself “I want to feel you inside of me, Tobi, I want to feel your cock pounding inside of my ass and filling me up...P-Please, Tobi, un!” He begged, face feeling like it was burning, he couldn’t believe the words that he was saying. 

Tobi started sucking on Deidara’s index and middle finger, if this was with his fingers, he could only imagine those lips wrapped around his dick, Deidara moaned out at the thought, spreading his legs more, offering himself to the younger male on top of him who was still clothed from what the blonde could feel.

The hand that had been wrapped around his cock moved to take off Tobi’s shirt, he could feel the younger male hesitate for a moment then stopped him “Why not, un?”He groaned out.

“You have your reasons for not wanting me to see your body, Senpai...I have my reasons to cover mine, for now be patient.” Tobi whispered in Deidara’s ear, kissing his cheek then his neck and down his body.

Deidara felt as if his body was being worshipped, this was nothing like sex with Hidan or any of his old clients, Tobi’s cool lips seem to make sure to kiss every inch of him, sometimes biting and sucking certain parts. The blonde wrapped his fingers around the spiky, dark hair, lifting his hips up, grinding against the younger male “P-Please Tobi, fuck me, un.” He begged, wanting his manager inside of him already, he didn’t think he could handle all the attention his body was getting.

Tobi wrapped his gloved hand around Deidara’s cock, stroking it slowly, sometimes speeding up “Deidara-senpai is so naughty~ Sorry senpai but Tobi is a good boy?” Tobi teased “My no-no spot isn’t going anywhere near your ass.”

Deidara groaned out, half wishing he could choke the bastard, the other half tempted to beg again but stopped himself.

The blonde wish he could say that Tobi fucked him that night but it would have been a lie, Deidara didn’t even get to taste Tobi’s cock! The younger male had kissed his body and stroked him until Deidara came, moaning out loudly then they had kissed, Deidara touching the clothed body, grinding against him like a cat in heat until he came for a second time, Tobi teasing him about it.

“Don’t worry Deidara-dono...you and I will show them the true meaning of art, then they’ll never be able to talk bad about you again.” Was the last thing the sleepy blonde heard before falling asleep, curled up against Tobi.


	9. High Hopes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone, sorry I am late on updating, work got the best of me. This chapter is..meh for me but it starts the new arc and we have Pein, he's always fun. Oh, Orochimaru is briefly in this chapter as well.
> 
> Sasori should be coming back to the story in a more fix way soon, we'll say what my brain decides when I am writing the next chapter. After all this Tobi chapters I kinda wanna do a Tobi x Deidara story, but I also REALLY want to do a Yahiko x Nagato story.
> 
> I'll try to have the next chapter posted by the end of the week but make no promises. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading, leaving comments and kudos, it means a lot to me, my schedule will be much lighter starting February which means more updates.
> 
> Sorry again for the super long wait.

Deidara slowly opened his eyes, this time there was only darkness. He let out a yawn, last night coming back to him. He remembered seeing Sasori’s puppet and the raven haired man, a part of him longed for the redhead, he wished that they could have talked once more but when he remembered the words that the older male had spoken, the numbness would come back. He didn’t need Sasori, he didn’t need anyone from his past, he supposed he ought to be glad that at least it hadn’t been Hidan.

The blonde remembered the feeling of Tobi’s lips on his skin, the way that he was touched which made him blush, feeling around his bed only to realize that there was no one there but the spot was still warm, it hadn’t been that long since the younger male had gotten up. When he noticed that he was still naked underneath the cover, he was glad that Tobi had gotten up first, moving to get out of the bed, feeling the cold floor against his feet, he turned on one of the light near his nightstand, putting on his bathrobe and warm slippers that had a bomb going off as a drawing.

He sleepily walked toward his kitchen, opening the door to his room, the first thing he noticed was a nice smell hitting his nose, then the sound of music playing, some pop music or another and the third thing was Tobi wearing the apron from last time, dancing while cooking. Deidara took a moment to enjoy the scene, he could get used to this, waking up to see the idiot cooking him breakfast and spending the nights talking or touching each other. His mind went to Sasori, imagining what it would be like if it had been the two of them, he thought about the first and last time he had been in the older male’s room, the picture of the younger Sasori with his family...could they have lived peacefully? His mind went back to the conversation he heard between Sasori and Hidan...how he was nothing but a whore, no, there was no way they could have lived peacefully.

The blonde moved closer, hugging himself, it felt a bit chilly, he wished he could have at least seen Tobi naked but alas, that was a mission for next time, not that he was saying there would be a repeat of last night. Tobi turned to look at him, the younger male had his mask back on, the only thing Deidara could remember was dark eyes from when he had tried to look and that shouldn’t be surprising since Tobi said he was Japanese “Can I help with anything, un?” He sleepily asked.

“Go and sit down, senpai, Tobi is being a good boy and cooking for senpai even after you tried to corrupt poor, innocent Tobi last night.” The younger male replied, shooing him away, the blonde was tempted to punch the younger male but didn’t, Tobi just knew how to annoy him first thing in the morning, he wasn’t innocent at all!

Grumbling, he went to sit down, watching Tobi move around his kitchen, he watched as the younger male boiled some water and made some coffee for him, just how he likes it, black and bitter, it was perfect to reduce appetite. The blonde mumbled a sleepy “Thank you, un.” Taking in the scent of the coffee, eyes closing. Could he really get this lucky? What if Tobi was already regretting what they did last night? He snapped out of it when he heard a plate be set down, eyes opening to see Tobi rather close to him “Does Deidara-dono need to take a shit? You look like you are constipated.” The younger male innocently said but Deidara could see right through that innocent act.

“Keep talking and I’ll use one of my explosions up your ass, un!” Deidara growled out, glaring when he heard Tobi giggling while walking away to get another plate. The blonde turned to look at the food, it was a small bowl of miso soup and a bigger plate with cooked vegetables, bacon, eggs and sliced potatoes. He could remember perfectly what happened last time he had eaten in front of Tobi, he was not going to risk it again, no matter how guilty he felt about it. He cut the vegetables into much smaller pieces, leaving the ones that touched the bacon, that was too much calories, the miso soup was a safe bet but not too much of it. He got himself mentally ready, waited for Tobi to come back with his portion which was much bigger, then he bowed his head and said thank you for the food before grabbing the spoon, taking a sip of the miso soup, it was really good, he was tempted to devour it but reminded himself that if he wanted a chance of happiness, he needed to have some self control.

Deidara focused on their bickering and how nice it felt to have someone else in his house, before he realized it he had finished his miso soup and had been chewing on the vegetables, when he had stopped, ready to say that he was full, he found that he couldn’t, not when Tobi asked him “Is the food bad, Deidara-dono? After Tobi suffered through cold and heat to make it?” 

“Shut up you stupid brat, un! Who said the food is bad?” He snapped, forcing himself to eat more, counting how much time he chewed, he felt ill, the little voice in his head reminding him how disgusting he was. He kept downing it with the black coffee, trying to focus on the bitter taste, he could barely focus on their conversation.

It almost felt as if he was watching everything from a distant, everything felt too bright, even the sound of Tobi’s laughter sounded far away to his ears, all he could think about was the food and how to get rid of the calories he had just consumed, luckily Tobi managed to snap him out of his thoughts for a bit.

“Deidara-dono, Tobi thinks it’s time to expand, Senpai doesn’t want to be treated like a joke again, right?” Tobi casually said.

The blonde thought of Sasori and that raven, how they had practically insulted him and frowned...no, he didn’t want to be treated like a joke anymore “And how do you plan for us to expand, un?” He calmly asked, brushing a strand of his hair back, he wouldn’t let anyone treat him like a joke.

“Deidara-dono needs a sponsor, someone who has enough power to make sure that all doors are open for Senpai, then we can make sure to close all the doors for anyone who tries to get in your way.” Tobi got up, getting their plates and taking it away “It’s time everyone knew the name Zakutaro.” 

Deidara and Tobi came up with a plan during their meeting, he was given a list of potential sponsors to choose from then Tobi said he needed to go. A small part of Deidara was expecting a goodbye kiss or something, maybe talk about last night and what they did, where they stood but all he got was that silly wave Tobi seem to be so fond off and then the younger male was gone, leaving the blonde all alone in his house, it didn’t take him long to get rid of all that extra calories. 

Shortly after that meeting, he met his sponsor, Orochimaru, he was a very well known medical businessman who had his hands in practically everything, including art. Deidara’s mixture of art with explosion had intrigued the eccentric man, Deidara had kept his mask on, the less people who knew his identity, the better it was.

The dark haired male had grabbed a strand of his blonde hair and smirked, talking about how the two of them would go very far, personally the blonde was a bit creeped out. At first he was treated more like an arm candy of sort, going to events with the man, being introduced to various businessmen and women, a few asked about why he had on his mask and some even tried to take it off, it didn’t end very well for them.

Tobi didn’t seem to interact too much with Orochimaru, it left Deidara having to deal with the eccentric man by himself, at least the guy didn’t try to have sex with him, he didn’t want to go back to that life.

With Orochimaru backing him, his influence seemed to get stronger, he got more bookings and more people visit his galleries which meant that he had to spend more hours creating new pieces and less time with Tobi. The younger male didn’t seem to mind, he would sometimes go over and keep Deidara company for an hour or two, mostly teasing the blonde. Things almost felt normal between them, except for those lingering touches, Deidara wanted more than that, he wanted to feel those cool lips on his skin once more, he wanted to see Tobi naked and touch him. His mind seems to be in constant conflict between Tobi and Sasori, he had been doing so well in forgetting his past and then Sasori started popping back in.

His galleries seem to always be on days when Sasori had a show of his own, many began to report a competition between the two of them, it was almost as if his side was going out of their way to make sure his galleries ended up in the same locations that Sasori chose, Deidara was tempted to check one of those shows again, just to have a glimpse of the redhead, to hear his dark angel’s voice but he didn’t want his resolve to break, the next time they saw each other Deidara wanted to be powerful enough to have Sasori respect him.

With how successful he was, he was bound to gain some extra attention. Deidara had gone with Orochimaru to another of those fancy dinners he seem to always be invited to, the blonde had been dressed in a half black, half white suite with a dove design and had on a simpler version of his dove mask. He had grown bored of listening to Orochimaru talk, getting a chance to go to a corner and just watch everyone, he wondered who the special guest was, the older male had kept going on about a rather powerful and important person coming and how Deidara needed to be on his best behaviour. 

A drunken man had come closer to him, Deidara tried to step away from him but the guy kept following him and grabbed his wrist rather tightly “Oi weirdo, think you are too good to show your face to the rest of us? Bet you’re disfigured underneath that mask of yours!” The man slurred, the blonde trying to fight him off without causing a scene but his temper was starting to get the best of him.

“Let go, un!” The blonde snapped, twisting the man’s arm and forcing him down on his knee then let go of him, thinking that maybe the guy learned his lesson. Deidara moved to head toward the bar, if only to have people around him, but the guy followed him, before he could process what was happening, he was being pulled to something strong and warm, hearing a heartbeat then he heard someone speaking.

“I believe this gentleman said for you to let him be, if you cannot behave in my party there is no need for your presence, guards, see to this man leaving my premises.” Deidara managed to pull away a bit, looking up at the rather tall man who had multiple piercings all over his face, he had 3 running along his nose, had a mouth one and multiple piercings in his ears but instead of it looking ugly, it somehow seems to work, making his face look more beautiful, for a moment Deidara was left speechless, not in a lust filled type of way, but more artistically, the artist in him wanting to calm out, he noticed the man was also a ginger with spiky hair which almost made him laugh, what was with him and gingers? 

“Are you okay, sir?” The pierced man asked him, he was dressed in a black suit with an orange colored button down shirt and black tie, his eyes were a violet color.

“I-” Before he could even reply, Orochimaru was by his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him closer.

“Thank you for saving my little dove, Mr.Pein, I am afraid it’s my fault for taking my eyes from him for a moment, a lot of people are curious about what’s underneath that mask.” Deidara stayed quiet while Orochimaru talked, he kept looking at the beautiful man in front of him, he watched those cold eyes stare at Orochimaru and the calm voice reply, blanking out when they started talking about business, he was surprised when they shook hands that he felt a business card be slipped into it.

After their first meeting at the party, Deidara held on to the business card, he didn’t tell Tobi about it, at least not at first, he wasn’t sure if he should even contact the ginger but curiosity got the best of him. They set up a meeting for them to meet up at a cafe, which was also when he decided to tell Tobi about meeting Pein, the younger male had just made some joke about how fast Deidara work only to be kicked by an irritated Deidara.

Tobi had driven him to the cafe on the day of their meeting, the blonde had on his simpler dove mask, he gave one last glance to his manager before getting out of the car, the cafe was through an alleyway, the building was made out of grey bricks, he opened the door, listening to some quiet, indie music playing, the inside looked much better with dark wooden floors, the walls had been painted and looked very artistic, origami hanging from the ceilings. There were a couple of young adults sitting down, all looking quite hippie, some seem to be working while others chatted quietly. Luckily Deidara was saved from having to search for Pein, the tall man walked toward him, getting a few stares from some of the people.

“Hello, I am glad that you could make it. Please, follow me.” Deidara did as he was asked, they walked deeper into the cafe, Pein opening a black medal door then they went up some stairs with Pein putting in a code and opening the black door, showing a large and artistic looking office, it was also filled with different origami art and some medal art, there was a picture of a younger Pein with a beautiful girl that had purple hair and a young boy with blood red hair, the girl was smiling happily, holding on to both of their hands, Pein was grinning and the redhead boy was smiling shyly.

“Please, have a seat.” Deidara snapped out of it, sitting down on dark orange sofa, Pein sat opposite of him and smiled “I am sure you wish to know why I asked you here so I’ll get straight to the point, I have been following your art for a very long time and must say that I am intrigued by it. You have a unique talent, if you wanted to, you could easily work for the government but you chose art instead, why is that?” 

“Art has always been my first love, I wanted a way where I could pay my bills but still do what I love and what would make my mother proud, the government on the other hand would see me as expandable and may not use it in the right way.” Deidara replied, he knew that he could easily get a much more serious job, he’s gotten a lot of offers, but he would be bored with all of them, art was his passion.

“You remind me of someone I care about deeply.” Pein softly said, glancing to the photograph of the three children with a hint of a smile. 

Their meeting was mostly them talking about arts and Deidara’s interest, the blonde like the fact that the ginger gave him his full attention, nodding but also sometimes putting his input in it, this almost felt as if he was talking to a friend, not something that Deidara knew a lot about.

**~~~~~_____~~~~~~**

Deidara was able to meet with Pein a few more times, he found the man to be quite interesting, the ideas they discussed made the blonde feel more alive than ever. By their third meeting he had been comfortable enough to take off his mask and show Pein who he was, saying his real name, Pein had told him that his name was Yahiko but to call him whatever he wanted. They seem to only get closer, their mind stimulating each other.

“-add this to my compound it will create a stronger barrier? Un.” Deidara asked, visible eye lit up as he watched the taller male who had a slight smile on his face.

“Yes, it helps the chemicals react quicker, giving you a chance to raise your barrier at a higher speed.” Pein explained, making the blond nod with a thoughtful look on his face. 

Deidara had worried at first that their encounters would lead to sex, even when he noticed the golden marriage ring in one of the man’s finger, but the taller male assured him that he was not interested in sex with anyone. This was not usually how things work out for the blonde, most people wanted sex from him or to abuse him but Pein was always respectful and gave him his full attention, treating him as an equal.

“Interesting.” The blonde hummed out, he would have to try out the suggestion in his prototype. 

“I want you to join my organization, your skills in explosive is quite useful and unique. “Pein voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

Deidara frowned at the offer, he should have known it would lead to this. 

“Look at what we have to offer and then make your decision. We want to end pointless killing and suffering that keeps going on in the world, with your understanding of explosives we can save far more life.” Pein somehow managed to still sound quite calm.

“And if I disagree, Un?” Deidara asked, trying not to sound annoyed. 

“I will let you go. Tell me Deidara, do you truly want to leave this system like it is? Where countless children are homeless and hungry, where our people fight a useless war that leads to endless death.” The blond sighed and closed his eyes. 

“I will think about it, Un.” That was all he could promise. Deidara thought of his mother, could she have been saved? 

He bid his farewell to Pein and left the cafe, Tobi picking him up, he got inside the car,put on his seatbelt and sighed, closing his eyes.

“How was your meeting, Senpai?” The younger male brightly asked, things had been going really well for them at work, his name was always being uttered in the same sentence as Sasori’s but was this all he wanted of his life? 

Deidara debated if he should tell Tobi about the meeting or not but decided to “Pein-sama wants me to join his organization, I said I would think about it, Un.” He sleepily said, feeling exhausted after that, he has also been cutting down on his eating, he’s been too busy to eat.

“What does Deidara-dono know about Pein-sama’s organization? Will it benefit you?” Tobi asked innocently, driving to the blonde’s home.

“Its design to help fix our system and make sure that those who are in power and corrupted listen to those who are too weak to fight for themselves, I simply don’t see how my explosive will be of any help...I am an artist not some activist, what power do I have to change the world, un?” Pein had made it sound so easy but it was much more complicated than that.

“If Pein-sama thinks that Deidara-dono should join, it should be taken lightly. Whatever Senpai wants to do, Tobi will support you.”They were both quiet after that, Deidara thinking about what he should do.

They both went inside the house once Tobi arrived, Deidara grab a can of beer and opened it, offering one to the younger male but Tobi declined, saying “Senpai is already trying to take advantage of me.” And snickering, it ended up with Deidara throwing one of his towels at the younger male who just laughed harder.

They both sat on his couch, Deidara turning on the TV while grabbing his laptop, he didn’t want to go to sleep just yet even though he felt exhausted. “Tobi...do you think I can be of help? That my skills could really be of assistance, un?” He asked casually, reading some reports in his laptop while they listened to some art critique show.

“It’s not up to Tobi to decide...but Deidara-dono is more talented and powerful than he realizes...if you can help fix this rotting system that let children die and will make those that are accountable for it pay, why not agree?” Tobi replied innocently, his glove hand moved, grabbing a strand of blonde hair, Deidara turning to look at him, tilting his head slightly, the dark haired male was so confusing, he acted like an idiot the majority of times and then there were times like this where Deidara wonder just how smart his manager was.

The blonde stayed quiet, thinking about it, about what Tobi had told him when they had celebrated his gallery opening. The younger male had said that his art was like a reflection for those who had been damned...and then he said someone he cared about had been murdered,did that have to do with corruption? Maybe he was just overthinking everything.

“...I’ll join his organization, un.” He didn’t know what he was getting himself into but if he could help make a difference and have less people live like he did growing up then he would.

“Tobi will stay by Deidara-dono’s side, wouldn’t want senpai to die of a broken heart.” The younger male teased, giggling, he was hit with a pillow over the head which led to him laughing harder, Deidara hitting him again and the laptop ending somewhere on the floor while they bickered, Deidara calling Tobi a ‘Stupid baffoon!’ among other things.

Their little bickering and play fight somehow ended up with Deidara pinned down, Tobi straddling him, both panting, the blonde wondered if he was going to get kissed, or would he end up feeling those cool lips on his body again? After what felt like an eternity of silence, Tobi pulled away, his index and middle finger tapping Deidara’s forehead “Senpai should stop trying to take poor Tobi innocence.” He joked then moved to leave, saying he had things to do, even as Deidara heard the door close, he couldn’t stop thinking about the younger male straddling him.

He needed to decide soon what he wanted out of his manager, for now he needed to focus on telling Pein that he would be accepting and planning accordingly. If only he had known what would happen due to him accepting, he wondered if he might have changed his mind.

Akatsuki...it seems he would be a part of that organization from now on. 


	10. Snuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara finally meets Sasori and Itachi again, there will also be Tobi x Deidara.
> 
> Warnings: Possible suicide attempt? Depression, minor cursing. I think that's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I am soooo SO SOOOOOO freaking sorry for the extremely late update. How long has it been? A long time<< 
> 
> My apologies, my health had been quite poorly but I am back and as an apology made it extra long and spicy, so...forgive me? Pretty please?
> 
> I want to thank each and every one of you who have commented, kept reading, bookmarked and left me kudos. I am truly grateful for them, it puts a smile on my face.
> 
> So for this chapter...I guess one of the warning contains possible attempt at suicide? Nothing extreme, just Deidara being Deidara. ALSO, you guys finally get to see Sasori once more and after this chapter there's going to be quite a few Sasori x Deidara scenes.
> 
> We have some intense Tobi x Deidara scene as well, they finally have a breakthrough, originally it was meant to be 2 chapters but I decided to merge them into one as a huge apology. It was....14 pages long, I think that's my longest.
> 
> I'll see you guys next time, hopefully it won't take me so freaking long to update...one last thing.
> 
> Would you guys rather I post quicker but shorter chapters or wait longer but have longer chapters? Just curious.
> 
> Love you all!

Once Deidara accepted the position in Pein’s organization, things began to change. If he had thought that Orochimaru was powerful it was nothing in comparison to the power that Pein seems to have. 

There had been 2 things he had asked for in return for joining the organization, which the redhead agreed to easily. The first one was to have Tobi stay his manager and since each member needed to have a partner, he chose Tobi, it would make his work much more efficient since they knew each other very well and the younger male understood his habits. The second demand had been to let him wear a mask during the meetings, he didn’t need anyone knowing about his identity. He had designed a new mask which looked like an owl’s face, it was white and had the voice distortion device. 

Pein had explained to him what he would need to do as a member, there were missions to go to, some were simply gathering information while other missions were of higher risk and demanded demonstrations to be carried out, there was one golden rule in the Akatsuki and that was that they would do no harm to children or elderly.

Deidara was invited to a dinner to meet some of the other members in the organization and then he would be assigned his first mission, Tobi had some business to take care off and would not be able to attend. He was given his cloth that showed that he was part of the organization and the address, being told that there was no dress code. 

He dressed in black slim pants, a black long sleeve shirt which had some bomb designs in white then did his hair up in a high ponytail, covering his left eye, finishing the look with his new owl mask and the long cloth which happened to be black with red clouds designs.

The address led to a warehouse, there had been water and ships on one side and multiple warehouses on the opposite side, he walked around once dropped off by the car Pein had sent to pick him up until he saw the correct number, knocking on the door, after a few minutes the door was open, revealing a beautiful woman with short blue hair and amber eyes, he remembered her from the picture that Pein had in his office “Welcome, Mr. Taro, it is an honor to have you here.” The beautiful lady said, giving her head a slight bow “Please, come in.” She opened the door wider for him, waiting until he went inside to close the door and lock it before showing him down a long hallway, the warehouse looked much better than Deidara would have imagined. 

It had red bricks on the inside with different art designs on the walls and soft light, he could also see some minor securities, nothing that he couldn’t destroy with his bombs, which he brought a few off, not that he thought that he would actually need it, he trusted Pein.

They made it to a metal door which the beautiful lady opened, revealing a group of people sitting down, it looked as if they were about to have dinner, the table long and wooden, at the head of the table was Pein dressed in his robe, next to him was an empty seat followed by a weird looking guy that seem to be an albino with spiky green hair and golden colour eyes, then another weird looking guy whose skin looked almost grey-ish blue and scaly with dark spiky hair and finally a dark skin guy whose lower part of his face was covered by a white cloth along with his hair, they were all wearing their Akatsuki clothes, as was the beautiful lady now that he focused on her clothes.

The lady walked toward Pein, moving to sit next to him, she whispered something to him and he nodded “I am glad that you are here Taro, please sit down, everyone introduce yourself to our newest member.” 

Deidara moved to sit across from the albino looking guy who smiled at him “Hi, I am White Zetsu, nice to meet ya! Hey, how come you are wearing a mask? Are you a pretty girl underneath that? How come you are not showing your face? Are you scared? Why did you join? Why is your name Taro, are you an old man behind the mask?!” All those questions seem to be fired without the albino taking a deep breath, this almost reminded Deidara of Tobi, he was trying hard not to lose his temper.

“It's none of your business, is it?” The blonde coldly replied, screw playing nice, he had one idiot to deal with, he couldn’t handle a second one.

“Hey Chatterbox, let the poor guy have a chance to hear the questions before you fire up the next one. I am Kisame, if you ever wanna fight, come my way but I won’t hold back even if you are a kid underneath that mask.” Kisame flashed a grin, showing sharp looking shark teeth, Deidara wondered why the guy looked deformed like that but didn’t think it would be smart to ask.

“...I am Kakuzu, don’t break anything and complete your missions successfully, if you end up costing us too much money I’ll kill you.” And that was the welcome Deidara got from the last person.

“I am Konan, my apologies for not introducing myself earlier, if there is anything you need, please come and find me.” Something about her made him feel as if he was back home with his mother, he got that same motherly love from her for some reason.

“We have a few other members but they are out on missions right now, as I told you earlier when you decided to join, this organization aims to make a peaceful world by getting rid of the corrupted system in every country, we usually work in a team of two to complete each mission, sometimes our members might go alone or switch partners if it will benefit the mission, you will also get paid for the work and whatever goes on here stays with us, we are a family and should act as one.” Pein said, giving Deidara a slight smile, the blonde looked around once more, it was quite an odd looking family but...he didn’t mind. “Why don’t you introduce yourself, Taro?”

The blonde sighed, thinking of what to say “I am Taro and I am a  **guy** , I joined in order to help stop this corrupted system that makes it okay for someone to die from a serious illness only because they don’t have enough money and that has people being judged on their value as a human based on how much cash they have in their bank account, more importantly, I am here to show the world the true meaning of art and its that art is an explosion.” 

After that, the food was brought over and everyone talked while eating, Deidara cut his food into smaller portions, trying not to be rude by refusing it. He learned that White Zetsu was good with plants and that he had many venus flytraps which he kept in his house, Kisame had a birth deform which made him look like a shark, he also had a few sharks in his home as pets, Kisame was quite funny with a morbid sense of humour. Kakuzu didn’t talk much, sometimes Pein and Konan would talk. 

At the end, everyone began to leave, Konan passed him an origami bird and bid him goodnight, then he got in the car that had been waiting for him and went back home.

When he got home he noticed that the origami had a few words, opening up to reveal his mission. It was simple enough, he was to go to some senator’s party and would be in charge of distraction by setting up some bombs then they needed to steal some documents which would be proof that the senator had been taking bribes from multiple companies and that led to birth deformity and death in some towns. The theme for the party luckily was mask, he was asked to go undercover and to go with Tobi, once completed, they had the drop off point and money would be deposited on their agreed location. 

It had been easy enough to get ready for the party, he had on a long, black dress, his blonde hair was loose, red lipstick and some make up was applied, the only thing he didn’t do was wear large high heels. He also had on a black bag, wearing a masquerade mask to hide his face, it was shaped like a black dove. Tobi had picked him up, dressed in a black suit which showed off his muscular body and a Japanese fox mask though Deidara still couldn’t see those dark eyes he remembered. The younger male had been quiet when they saw each other, Deidara had a feeling that he was being looked at before his manager smiled and opened the door for him “Wow senpai, Tobi always knew that you were a hot girl underneath all that roughness!” Tobi teased, getting smacked by the purse.

“Shut it, you buffoon!” Deidara growled out, cheeks turning bright red at the compliment. The idiot didn’t look too bad himself...and he might even smell good, not that the blonde would say anything.

The drive was spent with them bickering back and forth, they switched cars a few times then made it to the senator’s house, already having their invitations. Deidara held on to Tobi’s arm, acting like a couple, his mask had the distorting voice sound female. When it was time for them to get their things checked, he sighed “Darling, I do hope we aren’t late.” He noticed some of the security guards looking at him with pure lust, it was so typical. “Hello boys, thanks for your hard work.” He gave them a wave and nodded then walked through the metal detector, knowing that nothing would beep. 

Tobi went through rather smoothly as well “The senator wouldn’t be pleased with that, would he?” Tobi asked, the blonde shivering when he heard that voice, it wasn’t that silly, childish one that made him want to choke the other, no, it was the one that made him beg to be fucked and honestly right now he had half a mind to drag the idiot to one of the many rooms and do just that. “I am going to go talk to some important clients, why don’t you mingle with the ladies?” That was their code for getting ready and stake out the place.

“Don’t spend too much time in that gambling game.” Deidara replied, letting Tobi know that he would take the south side of the house with that code. Of course, he had already sent in the sculpture that would go off, it had been a replica of the senator with a dove on his shoulder.

“Try not to drink too much wine.” Tobi said, using the code to let Deidara know he would take the west side of the house and then they parted.

It was easy enough to meet the senator and seduce him, even easier to slip something odorless to his drink, have him pass out for a bit while Diedara checked the office and got the documents they had been searching for as well as the USB to prove the corruption the man had done, he made it look like they had sex and planted a fake memory in the senator’s mind of the whole thing, making sure the senator would forget about him.

The whole mission had gone surprisingly smooth, there had been a part during the dinner service where someone had bumped into him, he had been about to fall when he was caught and pulled toward a strong chest, his fake breast pressing against it “Thank you, kind sir.” He said, sounding like the delicate lady he was trying to play...until he saw who it was, cheeks reddening once more.

“Careful not to go falling for me.” The voice teased him as he stared at Tobi, Deidara refused to admit how much he wanted to just drag the idiot somewhere and fuck him, that voice send shivers down his spine. The blonde wondered if this was the real Tobi, he seemed to be quite good at talking with everyone, playing the perfect role of the businessman while Deidara played the role of his delicate, trophy wife.

During the dinner his bomb was set off, they were all escorted out with Tobi and him escaping rather smoothly, they didn’t talk as they switched cars, Deidara putting on his cloth and changed masks, when they made it to their designated point they passed on the information to White Zetsu then drove off. The whole thing had been quite exciting, he was surprised that they had actually pulled it off and that it went so smoothly.

When they made it to his house he opened the front door and glanced away “...You could come in idiot….you know.” He murmured, Tobi looked good in that suit, it showed off a muscular body and whatever perfume the idiot was using smelled delicious, it had a slightly woody scent.

“Is Senpai trying to take advantage of poor, innocent Tobi again?” The younger male asked with a gasp, the childish, high pitch voice was back.

“Who is trying to take advantage of who, you idiot?!” The blonde growled out, throwing the now empty purse at his manager who dodged it easily and laughed.

“Deidara-dono, don’t be mad at poor, innocent Tobi!” The younger male begged, giggling.

“Shut it, you buffoon! I am going back to work!” The blonde snapped, face bright red and his heart speeding up. He turned to storm inside but heard running footsteps and then felt a hand on his wrist, being pulled back.

“Neh Senpai...you looked really pretty dressed as a woman.” The deep voice whispered in his ear then there was a chuckle and he was left standing in front of his house, mouth hanging open and cheeks bright red as Tobi drove off.

\------------

After their first mission they went on a few more, they acted as a decoy and got information stolen, Deidara’s bombing expertise seemed to come in handy, Pein complimented his work. Tobi was a good partner, they both blended in quite easily with their surroundings, they also understood each other very well since they’ve worked for so long as a pair. When he wasn’t working for the Akatsuki, he was doing his galleries, the rivalry with the puppet master only getting more intense.

Deidara had been summoned to the warehouse, things between Tobi and him were...interesting. The younger male seemed to be flirting with him but wouldn’t take that next step which was frustrating the blonde, of course, the more stressed he got, the less he ate and the more lightheaded he felt but it would all be worth it.

He greeted Konan as she opened the door, heading inside, he was by himself since Tobi had to do some manager work. The blonde was curious about why he was summoned, freezing when he saw a very familiar puppet and raven mask, everything seemed too bright suddenly and his chest hurt.

“Welcome Taro, thank you for coming on such short notice, you’ll be working with this team for the mission I am going to give you.” Pein greeted, giving him a slight smile.

Deidara slowly walked toward the table, trying to act calm, he wanted to look inside the puppet, wondering how Sasori looked like now, it's been a very long time since they’ve seen each other. He wanted to shout at the redhead that it was him, that all this time they’ve been competing and he’s been trying to forget about his dark angel but he couldn’t.

“You already know Kisame, could the two of you introduce each other.” Pein continued, motioning for Sasori and the raven to talk.

“I am Sasori of the Red Sand, my specialties are puppet disguise.” The redhead opened the old looking puppet he had on to reveal his clothed body, he hadn’t changed at all, there was still those same, mousy red locks, that beautiful silver brown eyes that always looked sleepy and that aloof face that didn’t give a hint of emotions “I hope that we can work well together.”

The raven took off his mask “I am Itachi Uchiha, my specialty lies in tactics and illusions. I am also Kisame’s partner.” The raven gave a slight smile and offered his hand which the blonde stared at.

Deidara kept staring at Sasori through his mask, he wanted to scream, to shout or do something else aside from sitting there like an idiot. He didn’t bother shaking the hand which was soon dropped. Pein and Itachi were giving him a worried look and that’s when he realized that he’s been quiet.

“....I am Taro, my specialty is clay bombs.” He didn’t move to take off his mask or reveal his identity, right now he felt numb. Sasori, his dark angel was so close to him but he couldn’t do anything.

The blonde was rather quiet through their dinner, listening to everyone chat. Their mission was more dangerous this time, needing to infiltrate an organization that was dealing with human trafficking, Tobi wouldn’t be a part of this particular mission, he was needed for another one. The team would consist of Deidara with Sasori for team A and Kisame with Itachi for Team B.

Team A would deal with child trafficking, they were to infiltrate and get close to the leader, it wouldn’t be as easy or fast as his previous mission, this one might actually take a month or more, it sounded rather risky and he almost declined it but didn’t want to disappoint Pein, there was a huge risk that Sasori would find out who he was. When that happened, what was he meant to do? They were going to spend a lot of time together.

“Go get everything you’ll need, the four of you will be leaving in three days. I know that it’s short notice but this is extremely important to bring down that empire and save countless lives.” Pein said, handing each an Origami which had more detail about the mission.

Deidara could still remember the look on Sasori’s face when he had seen the older male with the raven, he could still remember what the redhead had said about him...he was nothing but a cheap whore. Would Sasori say that now? They were both on the same stage and part of the same organization, he wasn’t that foolish blonde who had fallen for him and followed him like a lost puppy.

As soon as the meeting finished he moved to get out but was stopped by the redhead “I hope that we can work well together, make sure to make it on time.” And then the puppet master got back into his disguise and left.

The blonde blocked his thoughts, trying to make it to his house as calmly as possible, he barely made it inside before he was breaking down, screaming and crying. He wanted to kill that stupid redhead, to scream at him and hit him...he wanted to forget.

The blonde couldn’t remember calling Tobi, he couldn’t remember drinking and begging the younger male to make things better or mentioning something about ending it all, what he did remember was a loud knock on his door which sounded desperate and then a minute or so later his door was getting open with the spare key that he had given his manager. He could remember Tobi rushing toward him, footsteps hurried. 

“Senpai, what do you think you are doing?” Tobi’s voice wasn’t childish anymore, the blonde hadn’t even realized that he had been holding on to a knife in one hand and a bottle of vodka in another.

“I bet he doesn’t even remember me, Tobi….he forgot all about me and I am left with the painful memories.” The blonde said with a humorless laugh, knife being waved around “Do ya think he’d cry if this cheap whore died? No...I didn’t think so either.” His words were slurred and that knife moved closer to his neck.

Sasori...oh Sasori, why did they have to meet? Deidara had thought that he was over the whole thing, that he could move on and start a new life but...why did it hurt so fucking much? Hidan had dropped him as well and Tobi would probably leave.

“Senpai...we can talk about this calmly, drop the knife, okay? You are not a cheap whore...you are Deidara-dono, someone I greatly admire.”Why did Tobi sound so worried? It’s not like he would care.

“I bet you won’t remember me either...you are always hiding behind that mask and that stupid persona...and you never trust me with anything! I like you so much Tobi but you are just like him...you both push me away and abandon me!” When did his voice start to raise? When Tobi tried to move closer, he pushed the knife closer to his neck “No! Don’t come closer or I swear...I swear I’ll end it right now.” He screamed, sobbing.

“Of course I’ll remember you, Deidara-dono...I...I..”Tobi went quiet, running a hand through his hair and sighing in what sounded like frustration “Ask me anything...I’ll answer it truthfully...I’ll tell you anything you want to know just drop that knife….okay?” 

Deidara took another large sip of his vodka, feeling the liquid burn down his throat and make his empty stomach feel like it was burning. Everything felt too bright and intense “Do you like me...in that way?” Deidara softly asked then shook his head “Nevermind of course you do-”

“It’s complicated...it’s not that I don’t like you but there is something I have to finish, something very important that I’ll tell you about some other day, when it’s all done...but not now.” Tobi tried to move closer, stopping when he saw that knife making a thin cut on that pale, delicate looking neck.

“What’s behind that mask? Why do you wear it?” Deidara asked, feeling a thin trail of his blood run down his neck, nothing life threatening, it was like having a paper cut, it stung but wouldn’t really kill someone.

“There’s nothing pretty underneath this mask, Deidara-dono...just a monster, I was in an accident and...it did a lot of damage.” Tobi sounded sad, his deep voice growing more gentle “Please...drop the knife, Deidara.” 

The blonde stayed quiet, wondering what kind of accident it was and if it had to do with that precious person that Tobi had lost. “...You are just like him...all I can do is watch you both but...but I’ll never be able to be with you, huh? I’ll never be good enough...just a disgusting, cheap whore.” Deidara moved to make the cut, to just end it but before he could he felt the breath get knocked out of him and his hands getting raised up. He squirmed and struggled underneath the younger male but the knife was grabbed and thrown somewhere far as was the bottle, luckily it didn’t chatter.

“I refuse to lose you too, Deidara...to let another one of my precious people die in front of me!” Tobi sounded angry and pained, he kept struggling with Deidara, moving to sit up, hugging the smaller male. “I don’t know who hurt you...but I am not him.” He firmly added.

The blonde sobbed out, holding on tighter to the younger male, arms wrapping around warm shoulders. He couldn’t remember how long he cried for, all he could recall was those strong hands rubbing his back and hair, telling him that everything would be alright. 

Deidara tried to take the mask off but was stopped “I  **need ** you Tobi...I need this,  ** _please_ ** !” He knew he sounded desperate but he didn’t care.

He was suddenly picked up bridal style, what might have been a frustrated sigh, escaping Tobi and then they were entering Deidara’s dark room, the door was closed behind them, leaving them in complete darkness. When Deidara moved to take off the mask, this time he was allowed and felt lips crash against his own, a moan escaping his lips.

He was dropped down on his mattress, pulling Tobi down with him, a hand moving to take off the younger male’s clothes but was stopped once more, making him groan out. “You know the rules, Senpai.” The voice was firm, almost cold.

“I want to touch you...to  **feel** you.” Deidara wanted to forget the whole day, he wanted to forget those silver brown eyes and that aloof expression “I don’t care if you think you are a monster, to me you aren’t!” The blonde heard another one of those sighs and then silence for a bit. He worried that he went too far and that the younger male would leave him once more, especially when he felt Tobi shift “D-Don’t leave, please!” He begged.

Tobi seemed to mumble something in Japanese and then moved to undress Deidara, letting the blonde take off his shirt. They went back to kissing, one of the blonde’s hand moving to cup a cheek. He was a bit surprise at the skin he felt, it felt as if it was sagging and had rolls to it, maybe scars? He wasn’t sure. The blonde stopped, fingers moving to trace the face that he’s been wondering about for years now, he felt Tobi flinch.

“....I told you, Deidara..I am a monster.” The voice was quiet, filled with self-loathing.

“You aren’t, not to me, Tobi.” The blonde firmly said, moving to wrap his fingers around the short, dark locks and pulled that body closer to his. He stiffened when he felt a hand sliding up his right leg, past his inner thigh and toward his hips “....I am sorry, I am the one whose disgusting.” He knew that he was too fat, that he needed to lose more weight... be prettier. 

A small surprise sound escaped Tobi when he felt just how skinny Deidara was, he could feel the blonde’s bones and he had quite a few concerns but now wasn’t the time for it “You aren’t disgusting...not to me, Deidara.” He promised, wondering where his logical mind went. He had told himself that he would not have sex with the blonde and that he wouldn’t let the older male see how he actually looked like yet today he broke those rules. Deidara was becoming a weakness that others could use on him if they found out.

Tobi felt warm lips kissing down his scarred neck, he didn’t have a lot of feeling on that side of his body, they took their time feeling each other's body, neither commenting on the other’s flaw. 

Deidara tried to switch their positions but Tobi wouldn’t budge, instead kissing down the blonde’s body, whispering how perfect the blonde was, it made the blonde feel wanted for the first time in his life. He wasn’t being treated like some sex doll, is this what making love felt like? The blonde weeped, not out of sadness but pure disbelief that this was actually happening. He was able to forget about the redhead, about Hidan...his mother...his own self loathing and just focus on the feeling of being desired. 

Things became more heated, both kissing each other hungrily, his nails digging down Tobi’s back and begging to be taken while he grinded against the younger male yet Tobi didn’t feel aroused. Was he doing it wrong? Was Tobi doing this out of pity but was actually disgusted in him? His hand moved to touch the younger male’s limp cock but he was stopped quite firmly by a powerful hand “I want you inside of me, Tobi! Am...Am I doing something wrong?” He asked “...Are you doing this out of pity? I knew it! My body really is disgusting!” He sobbed out, squirming and trying to pull away.

They struggled for a bit, the sound of the bed creaking with their weight “Deidara, stop! I can’t okay?! I can’t get aroused!!!” Tobi finally snapped, that seem to make the blonde stop, staring wide eyes at the shadow above him.

“You...can’t get aroused? Is it my body? I can suck you off, I ca-” He was stopped with a hand in his mouth and a sound of frustration from the younger male, then Tobi was moving away, pulling away from him. 

“It’s not you, okay? I told you….I was in a really bad accident, you felt the scars by now...I can’t really hold a…. ** _you know_ ** ...that doesn’t really work. Just forget about me, okay? Forget about the whole thing!” Tobi sounded so embarrassed and frustrated. 

Deidara stared at the younger male’s shadow in shock, when Tobi moved to pull away from the bed, the blonde reacted, hugging him from behind and shaking his head “I won’t forget...I don’t care! We don’t have to do any of that so please don’t let me...don’t pull away from me.” He begged. 

Tobi stayed quiet, the blonde could hear the sound of their breathing and of the wind outside. After a moment or two the younger male pulled Deidara’s hands away and turned, kissing his lips “You are still aroused...I’ll make you feel good.” Tobi’s voice was more gentle, lighter now.

“You don’t have to...I am fine, really!” He would murder his erection if he needed to!

“I want to make you feel good...now suck.” And then he had three fingers inside his mouth, the blonde moaned out around them but listened, sucking on them quite eagerly, cheeks bright red. He could feel warm lips kissing down his neck, making him feel more needy.

Once Tobi deemed his fingers wet enough, he rub the index finger against the pucker hole, pulling away only to grab the lube from the drawer, after all, saliva was not going to be enough. He squirted a bit of the cold gel on the younger male’s pucker hole then began to push his index finger inside, hearing the blonde gasp and moan. It was tight, even with the blonde relaxing around his finger. Tobi rub Deidara’s inner thigh, kissing the other one while he pushed the finger deeper, the older male’s cock leaking pre-cum.

Once it felt relax enough, he began a slow and rough pace that left Deidara whimpering and begging for more, thrusting against the finger. The blonde wrapped his fingers around the dark locks, wanting more. He had no qualms about begging, feeling a second finger inside, stretching him, thrusting in and out and then…”O-Oh, there!” The blonde moaned out, arching when he felt a pleasure spot get hit “R-Right there, Tobi!” He begged, pulling the younger male into a kiss. 

He moaned around it, thrusting against those fingers while trying to keep his legs spread and then...bliss, absolute bliss. It was like a burning sensation spreading out and making him burst, a tingling left behind while he let out a few shots of his cum. He kept thrusting against the fingers, moaning louder when Tobi milked his cock. Deidara panted and stayed still while Tobi cleaned them up, a smile forming on the blonde’s lips. He whined when Tobi moved to get up “D-Don’t go!” He begged.

“I am just going to throw this away, I’ll be back.” Tobi promised with a chuckle, disappearing for a few seconds. Deidara changed his position in his bed so that he was more comfortable, going to the side he slept in, when slid on the empty side, he quickly move to curl up against the younger male, feeling the rough patch of skins, laying gentle kisses and trying not to fall asleep “Do they hurt?” He sleepily asked.

“Sometimes but for the most part, no.” Tobi answered after a few seconds, running his fingers through the blonde locks “Get some sleep, Senpai, you need it.” 

Deidara shook his head “Don’t wanna….what if I wake up and you are gone? Or worse...I find out all of this was a dream?” He asked softly “If you left me as well...I don’t think I could handle it.” Deidara was tired of always being alone and being abandoned.

“I won’t go, I promise...now get some sleep.” Tobi kissed the top of his head and shifted around a bit, going quiet.

Deidara hesitated but snuggled in closer, moving to rest his head where Tobi’s heartbeat was, he fell asleep listening to it, that night...for once, he had some really nice dreams. 


End file.
